It started inappropriately since he was one of my bosses. I don’t really report directly under him but he definitely has authority over me.

I was persistent in going out with him, so I asked a common friend to set us up. He was not comfortable with the fact that people will know that he will be going out with a co-worker. I was not really bothered by that idea because I didn’t think that it would affect my credibility since I’m not really a decision maker of the company. Eventually after months of waiting we went out to dinner, twice. Then it became a constant thing every weekend. For months I really didn’t know our status since nobody really knows that we are out together since I understood that his position and career opportunities would be in jeopardy.

So for four months we just dated, but eventually my feelings for him grew out of hand. I started becoming clingy and was in a constant need to be with him. This was not what I planned it to be. It was supposed to be controlled but one thing I learned about feelings, you can never control or dictate them. I found it hard to tell him how I feel because I don’t want to be the one to do it first and the fact that I just got out of a messy relationship would make it more complicated. I was just supposed to have fun and date a lot of guys in this stage of my life but that was not bound to happen. For months I dated him exclusively, it was insanely difficult to pretend that i didn’t want anything more than it. Although I can also sense that he likes me too but I felt that he was not ready to make the first move. So I thought, is this guys serious? What does he want me to do, spell it out for him? It got me so pissed off that I just text-ed him how I felt. The text message said something like “I can’t see you anymore and this is getting complicated” maybe some other time. And right away he told me that he was falling in love with me! I got furious and asked him why it was taking him too long. He just told me that the idea of him dating a co worker is not really an ideal image that he wants his boss to see him with. And that he was eying for promotion and stuff. So we were officially in a relationship but we were not able to go out like normal couples do. Only 2 of our friends know about us which was very hard for me. I was like a mistress or even worse than that. It felt awful and it affected our relationship. We can’t even eat out or watch a movie together. Do you know how frustrating could that be? And this is all because we were trying to protect our jobs. Which we realized in end the by the way that it was never worth it.  We agreed on who will stay in the company, it was him. He had the higher pay and position.

We started living together and I got another job and got engaged last year. I have learned such a great deal about this relationship that love and patience will truly find its course and it will be all worth it. If you are suckers for romance like me, don’t lose hope. I have found him it was a long and arduous road but it was all worth the wait.  A relationship will work out if both are willing to sacrifice and compromise. If the other party doesn’t want to compromise chances are it’s not worth you time either.

It’s not only house, body or car you have to do a make-over. You will ask, Family makeover? What is that? Well it’s all about how to deal with your family, how can you control them and not you whose being controlled by them. Sounds complicated, yes it is, you must practice it now or else you will lose on the battle between them.

A. The most complicated of all is the Money matters. You are having problems in your family most of the time when it comes to money, agree? Well I experienced it before. Specially if your the bread winner, giving you so much head ache. End of the month, your head is going to explode when your looking at your paycheck and thinking of your family, oh gosh…

1. Make a list of all the expenses, disegnate an amount for all of it, just enough no more, no less, no additional.

2. If your working or living in the other country, make sure that you monitor all the necessary expenses in your house, it sounds like you don’t trust them or your paranoid, but it will pay off soon, tell them to scan all the reciept and bills and send it to you.

3. They will ask you to send some amount for example additional school payment, medicine,or check up, make sure to have a strong question and interrogate them deeply, soon it will end up they will tell you what it is for, it is for unnecessary things.

4. Relatives, auncle, aunties, cousins, they will contact you and ask if you can send them money, because of some reasons, these and that, you have to remember they are not your responsibilities, I can understand if its for your brother or sister, gifts once a year is enough, but everytime they will ask you for help and you will also send, nahhh..not acceptable.

5. Your brother or sister will ask, send me some money because I will buy cellphone or it’s my birthday I will have a party, think so many times before you do it, look at your own cellphone, remember your birthday, look at your paycheck every month, then ask your self. Did I had a nice party on my birthday, did I bought new cellphone, will my salary can cover all this expenses? Then you will know the answer, sometimes they are just doing it for showing off that they have somebody working or living in the other country.

6. Sometimes you get to know that they have very high bills and consume alot, what the heck?? Don’t be afraid to ask, why?how?what did you all do?Then be strong and be a stone, tell them ”I will not pay that, this month and next month, I will just send enough for food, you people have to learn and look for alternative how to pay that”, ” I am not just lying here and money is just coming, learn how to be thrifty in everything”.

B. When you have seen all those things, you have to evaluate now thier feelings or your feelings. It’s all about preparing thier feelings now. When you do all in letter A., surely they will feel hurt, but explain to them that you are not just picking up money on the street, you are not doing some extravagant living where ever you are, you are not rich to cover all of thier needs, if you can help you will do it, but not everytime.

When I was working before, my mother always call everyweek, many reasons that are not really important and true, I end up having nothing every end of the month, even my salary next month is gone, shibal!

So what I did one time,when my mom call, I jump up on the bus heading home and surprise them, that’s the time I found out that everything is a lie, and I am so fool believing it, bills and debts are everywhere, haven’t payed even if I send money for paying those…sh…….!!!

When I start to live in Norway, I talked to my parents that my father will be the one to recieve the money and do all the budgetting. Eversince that day my mom did not talked to me, I don’t care I said, it’s for our own good, and sooner she also realized it, it’s not my fault, then we get good relationship between us.

Before I send money, I will call my father, how much for the electric bill, water bill, internet bill, I already know how much is for my daughters nanny, and so I calculate everything. I end up sending enough money, already budgeted and designated, including food for monthly consuming and I extra amount for both my parents that is not big like 500php each. I will give you an example of how much I send every month. I send 2000nok every month, in pesos it 15,000.

electric bill –    1,500php

water bill –            500php

internet –           1000 php

nanny -              2500php

mom –                  500php

dad -                     500php

my daughter -   1,500php – milk,playing in SM,jollibee,things she like

———————–

total -  8,000php

- 15,000php

———————–

7,000php — remaining for thier food

I don’t send money for birthdays or things they like to buy that is just for thier own happiness. I send money to my relatives if it’s borrow and they will pay it, if it’s for free, sorry nothing is free in this world anymore, sounds drastic and bad, but you have to learn how to be like that or else you will end up nothing. I also manage to give my brothers some amount like 500php, not every month, only if I remember and it’s not for them, it’s for my nieces and nephew, I usually tell my father to buy food for the kids for thier snacks in school, I don’t give cash because it will just cause conflicts and I know it will not end up on food.

Eversince I intrusted the money to my father, everything goes very very well, bills are payed, no debts, they also get to save some small amounts in the bank. When I go home, I ask my father where are the bills and I evaluate them one by one, ask them if I had seen a faulty on this or that, ask them how much is this, how much is that? Why is this high? What happen? Then we will have a family conference, hehehe, yeah seriuosly I do that, I tell them what I feel and what is not important and what should they do. It works very well, we don’t have misunderstanding when it comes to money matters and family matters.

If you don’t have anybody that will manage the money, just do what I did, write the expenses and send just enough. They will end up learning how to manage how much they get and be responsible for it.

If you are working having 30,000php salary every month, you can save alot and put in a bank. I had known alot of people working here that end up nothing when the contract is finished, because they send everything at home, they don’t even think of thier own future or what will it be when the job is done. They will go back home, the people thier are hoping he/she has a lot of money, but they don’t also that nothing has left because they alwasy asking and asking. They will even ask you, What??why??What did you do??Maybe you did so many extravagant things there?? They will start to accuse you not knowing or evaluating what they had done too. bu*******t!!!

Then you will feel the pressure again, pressured when you are still working because left and right you hear ”we need money,I need money”, then you get home hoping you will feel happy that at last I get to see my family, but again pressured. Poor you.

Be strong, learn how to be harsh and stone sometimes, we are so soft when it comes to our family, but remember you also have your own life, and if they will not learn they will still be like that even when you already have your own family and that will cause a big problem between you and your husband or wife, it’s not a theory, that’s the truth, most have that kind of problem.

I hate dependent people, we grew up like that but we must stand on our own feet or else we will be like that forever.

Don’t hate me,we have different opinions yes I know, but what I just want to say is ‘‘OPEN YOUR EYES”.

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These men are featured in this issue, we asked them of what they think of girls.

Q1. Do men or women tend to want to speed up relationships?

Ted: ”Guys like to go with the flow and keep ur options open.”

Mike: ”Sometimes you secretly want those milestones. You just don’t want her to see it.”

Sigfred: ”If you start seeing a woman and have sex, it’s only a matter of time before she asks, ‘Where’s this going?’ but most guys don’t want that milestone to come along. We’d like the stage where we’re just having sex to last forever!”

Q2. Do guys ever ask the question, ‘So where is this going?’

Erik: ”I think asking is tempting fate. You might not like the answer.”

Ted: ”Yes, but if a girl wants to know where we’re going, i need to know where she thinks we’re going first.”

Q3. How soon after meeting a girl do you start calling her your girlfriend?

Mike: ”You’re more likely to say it to your mates first, rather than her. I’ve been burnt like taht; jumping the gun.”

Sigfred: ”I’ve had quite a few girlfriends in my time but it was usually because they forced me into a corner. I met someone and knew that I wanted to be with her after only a week.”

Q4. How long should a girl wait before she has sex with you?

Mike: ”Not until she’s established where she is with a guy. If a woman sleeps with you early on, then asks where your relationships going, you’re going to say, we’re just having sex. If a girl doesn’t want to get hurt, she should work out what kind of relationship she wants before sex.”

Q5. Do men ever want to wait?

Erik: ”Every guy would love to have sex on the first date, but if you don’t then you actually apprecaite her more. A relationship outside sex builds a stronger bond.”

Q6. How do you feel when the girl starts leaving her toothbrush at yours?

Ted: ”As long as she doesn’t take control of the TV remote, that’s fine with me.”

Mike: ”She should ask first . I had a girl who left some knickers in one of my drawers. I called her and said, ‘next time you come over, you’ve got some stuff to collect.’ it didn’t go down well.”

Erik: ”Girls are like animals – they come round and leave stuff, like they’re marking thier territory.”

Q7. How about her meeting your parents?

Sigfred: ”I love with my mum so I’ll tell her when i’ts a serious girlfriend that I’m bringing home. But if she doesn’t warm to her she’ll pass comment infront of her. She’ll say, ‘I don’t like her, I’ve got a feeling’. I’ll say, ‘okay, Mum, we’ll talk about it later.”

Q8. Does it mean anything when you take a girl to a work do or wedding?

Mike: ”Work dos can be risky because you may behave differently when you’re with work colleagues.”

Sigfred: ”I ‘d have to be with a girl for at least two years before taking her to a wedding.”

Ted: ”I got an invitation to my cousin’s wedding, address to me and my girlfriend. That felt official.”

Erik: ”That means it’s official!”

Q9. How do you let a girl know she’s special?

Mike: ”Doing stuff that she mentioned shows her you’re paying attention.”

Ted: ”When i was serious about my girlfriend, I took her to Paris. I never normally do anything like that, so when i did that to her, it showed I really liked her.”

Erik: ”I’d rather show her I like her than tell her, so I’ll buy her stuff to make her happy.”

Q10. What should a girl do if your birthday is within the first few months of you seeing each other?

Ted: ”Birthday sex!”

Sigfred: ”If she just got me a card, I’d be happy with that.”

Q11. How long before you’ll go on holiday together?

Mike: ”You have to be girlfriend or boyfriend before that happens. It’s a massive one.”

Erik: ”I’ve known my girlfriend for six years but we’re going away on holiday for the first time this winter.”

Q12: Does it freaks you out when a girl starts relying on you for support?

Sigfred: ”I think it can be quite empowering when you’re the only one she turns to.”

Mike: ”So long as she doesn’t put it all on your shoulders. It should be a partnership.”

And so our featured guys go on with thier life as bieng single and continuing of what they believe to be the right thing to do about girls.

I will share a true story, based from what I have gathered from the person involved. I had met personally this Filipina that is the main character in this story. Read carefully and understand.

Here’s how it began.

At the age of 29 she is still single, working very hard as a Domestic helper in Hongkong. Being a helper in Hongkong is a very hard work, or I may say wherever you go, if your a helper it’s really hard. Working full time in a house is very hard. If you’re staying with your employer, as long as you are not sleeping you have to serve them. Unfortunately to those helper who have a very hard employer, they can’t get food, no extra time, no extra pay, no sleep, no weekend off work, most especially they are abused.

Well luckily it doesn’t happen to Cindy. But of course she worked hard for her employer, she spent two years in Hongkong. Then she went back to the Philippines when she finished her contract. Staying in the Philippines is very hard if you don’t have a job. It’s not a kind of good for Cindy. She must have a job, or else they will starve and her body is not used if she doesn’t have work.

Decided, she went to an Internet Caffee, she searched for a job, then she found one, as an Au pair in London. It’s a good opportunity she said to herself. She contacted the family and they arranged everything. Time to fly, but it’s a kind of tough flight, she have to stop over to some country before London. Well, nothing is tough or rough if it will be a good opportunity to travel in UK and Europe.

She arrive the destination safely, her host family is waiting for her at the Airport, her job is to take care of the not so old man, and the house where he lived in. It’s quite good job and not so hard work for her.

Time passed by, she liked her job and not to mention that she is having a hidden relationship with her employer, well they are living together in the same house and the old man is alone. Her life is kind of good compared before, of course supported by her employer aside from the salary that shes gaining. But she can’t marry an old man she said.

Thinking that she will be living in three months time, she is prepared to go home. But unfortunately, she get pregnant, what a tragic. You are having sex, even if its old it can possibly make you pregnant, not thinking of that consequences, she’s shattered.

She told the old man, but he is too old to take responsibility, so they must think of a solution. In two months time she will go back home. What can they possibly do to solve the problem? It’s a very big problem.

The old man think of a possible solution. His son. She will seduced his son, the old man said. His son is divorced and has three children.

So the plan must implemented very quickly. They began to do it. The old man invited his son for a dinner and told him that he must visit him very often because he is too old to travel and visit his son and children. Not knowing the plan that the two had build, he agreed.

He often visit his father and Cindy is trying to seduce him. They dated many times. The end of their plan is coming, he seems to like Cindy and they began to have sex. Everything seems to be ok now they thought. After having sex for many times, after a month she told her that she’s pregnant. He is surprised but not shocked because he knows that it will happen as they don’t use any contraceptive. She also told him that she’s soon going back to the Philippines. So he decided that she must live with him in his own house and tell the authority that she is bearing his child, so she can stay longer. In the law one foreigner is authorized to live longer if she’s pregnant and the father will claim that it’s his child.

At last the plan had succeed. She lived with the son now. But after two months, he found out that it’s not his child, and the truth shocked him, his father is the father of the baby. What a life?!

His father explained everything, knowing that it’s also his own blood, he accepted the fact that it’s his not his child.

Now Cindy’s womb is in 6 months way, she’s still living with the son, and the father is still supporting her and the baby. Well, at least the baby saved her from going back home.

What can you say? What a life isn’t it? It’s just one of the story of a fact of life.

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The Male Non-Negotiable

• “Trust is a topmost factor in a relationship, I was going out with someone I really liked before, but she already had a boyfriend. It didn’t bother me at first that she had to keep lying to her boyfriend whenever we were together – until I found out that she was doing the same thing to me. That was the real deal breaker. She turned out to be someone I would have a hard tie loving because I couldn’t trust her.” – Eric 27, restaurant manager

• “I had an ex-girlfriend who had a very tough time making her mind up about anything. And if she did decide on something, she would often change her mind at the most annoying of times. Even if she didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of something she’d say’ up to you,’ keep it to herself, and act sullen after, leaving me to wonder why. It quickly got quite frustrating. Everything would have been fine if she had only been a bit more decisive about things and more vocal with her opinions. For me, saying what’s on your mind is definitely better.” – Troy 27, accountant

• 

• “Be open minded, understanding, and don’t make up stories based on your jealous frenzy. I once had an ex who would immediately suspect that I was flirting with a girl just because I was having a good conversation with her. Her baseless suspicions made me feel unnecessarily insecure whenever a girl talked to me. In the end, I couldn’t stand her pretty jealousy, so I broke up with her.” – Jack 32, executive manager

• “Long distance relationships are usually painful and upsetting, but sometimes a few guys come along that are actually willing to wait. Not all guys are dumb and insensitive. Remember that and maybe you’ll learn to give someone decent a fair chance next time.” – Eddie 30, research analyst

• “Some girls are so possessive and jealous. Give your guys some space and leave us alone once in awhile! We’ll end up coming back to you more often than you’d think.” – Robbie 28, IT analyst

Braving the Breakup

• “For goodness’s sake, don’t break up with a guy through text or email! Have the maturity and decency to break up with him face to face.” – Cholo 26, law student

• “When guys bail, we often have doubts about it. But let us deal with it on our own. We’ll beg you back when we finally realize we’ve lost you for real. That time, we’ll be so into the chase all over again.” – Robert 28, artist

• “When relationships are cut, they should be cut cleanly. There’s no use in going back to your ex to find what went wrong. A person has to find that out for his or her own self. Allot time to heal and do some self-reflection.” – Froilan 29, nurse

• “I’m not supposed to spill this out, but really, the best way to get back at someone who broke your heart is to be fine without him. When the girl we broke up with seems super fine, it affects our ego and we think,’Aba! Why in the world is she okay without me?” – Devy 30, chef

• “Don’t stay with your boyfriend just because you’re afraid to hurt him. If the feeling’s no longer there or you’re beginning to think about other guys, end your relationship right away. Be fair to your clueless boyfriend and to yourself..” – Albert 23, student

• “Even if we did the breaking up, we still second guess our decision. When you start begging us to stay. Our decision to leave just becomes more justified.” – Jerry 27, computer technologist

- “Do women really have to raise their voices to get their points across? Contrary to popular belief, men do listen and they’re easy to talk to – as long as they’re not being yelled at. Otherwise, they tune out.” – Hans, 28, artist

- “My ex-girlfriend would shower me with kisses whenever I got upset with her. It usually worked and my heart would soften. But because we never really talked about our issues and only resolved them physically, our communication wasn’t open and issues kept resurfacing because there was no proper discussion.” – Richard, 32, manager

-“Stop whining, nagging, screaming, and complaining about everything because it’s really irritating when a girl does these things if a girl has something on her mind, she should talk to her boyfriend nicely. Guys don’t like to fight. I would have preferred it if my ex appreciated all the things that I did for her instead of having complained all the time.” – Dennis, 30, businessman

Syncing up in the sack

-“I dated a single mom who was five years older than me and had three kids. In bed, we never had more than one round lovemaking. When she was satisfied, that was it. After two years she told me she didn’t have the energy for sex anymore and suggested I find a younger woman. I did – much to her regret.” – Francis, 27, singer

-“If you expect your boyfriend to go down you, please wash up first. Also, a little trimming wouldn’t hurt.” – Trevor, 28, racer

-“Be a bit more assertive in bed. If your lover isn’t performing up to par, tell him how he can improve. Be specific and don’t be shy. Don’t be afraid to hurt his ego. In the end, if he sees you’re enjoying, that’s a big ego boost for him. Encourage him tot el you also how you can be a better lover.” – Ben, 26, marketing manager

Matching your fundamentals

-“I’m a very family-oriented guy. I need a girl who understands that I will always be involved with my family. Sometimes I’ll need to drop a prior engagement with my girl to attend to family matters and an old girlfriend couldn’t understand that. She ended up feeling neglected and alone but didn’t know what else to do. As far as I knew, blood was thicker than water.” – Markus, 34, restaurateur

-“You know how people say that you’re supposed to be able to depend on each other? Well, there’s such a thing as being too dependent…” – Larry, 29, IT engineer

-“My ex-girlfriend had halitosis and it really put me off, but I couldn’t tell her. There were times she’d want to cuddle, like when we were watching a movie, and it killed me because her breath just smelled too much like spoiled saliva. When my own mother noticed her bad breath, I thought it was time to break it off. I wanted a girl whom I could proudly show off and be with, not one who repelled me – and my family and friends – physically.” – Garry, 33, teacher

You need not wish an ex-boyfriend ill. Instead, make better use of your time and emotions by taking advantage of bitter breakups and dude dramas – and coming out the truly better half.

It didn’t work out. Now what? Whether your boyfriend ducked out or you called it quits, truth is, you can learn a thing or two from each failed relationship. Ultimately, it’s you – because you have full control over how your next relationship can be better. Here, we help you pick up self-improvement cues from your ex-boyfriend’s raves and rants. Listen closely and learn how to makeover your girlfriend style and ready yourself for Mr. Next.

What Makes You Girlfriend Material

- “Having ambition and goals is a big turn-on for guys. Men may base their first impressions on women’s looks or sense of humor, but we really do looks for hints as to how a woman’s personality will pan out in the long run. Will she be dependable, or will she just drag a man down?” – Sandy, 32, manager

- “A girl should go out with someone who’s more like her. I think my ex was a bit too aggressive and neurotic for me while I was laidback and lazy. We both tried to compromise by becoming more like the other person. That led a lot of tension and unneeded resentment.” – Nathan, 27, call center agent

- “Pretty girls are used to being chased by guys. So when they get into a serious relationship, they forget that they have to sacrifice all the fun flirtations of the single life. If one man adoring her isn’t enough, then she should just stay single.” – Teddy, 22, student

- “Many girls take nice guys for granted. And when the jerks they end up with start breaking their hearts, they wonder what happened! Those girls should screw their heads on straight and see that nice guys are here to stay – for the long haul!” – Francis, 30, Engineer

- “Though the sweet, mahinhin type is appealing for many guys, we don’t particularly want to have a partner who’s as meek as a worm (read: no backbone). On a first date, girls should tell guys where they’d like to go or what they’d like to eat, and be open to their date’s suggestions as well. Guys like girls who are confident, but not too bossy.” – Patrick, 26, executive manager

Managing Relationship Expectations

- “My ex would get infuriated with me whenever I forgot to text her, ‘Good night. I love you’ before going to bed. If I didn’t text her, I would wake up with at least 10 text messages in my mobile phone – all from her, telling me what an inconsiderate ass I was. The issue got really old very quickly and I couldn’t stand her insecurity anymore, so I dumped her.” – Mel, 33, accountant

- “I like a woman who has no problem with ‘guy time.’ My friends will always be a part of my life. A woman can’t replace then and she certainly can’t make me choose between her and them.” – Paulo, 27, teacher

- “I can’t stand it when girls get so clingy. They start whining about being alone and hopeless without me at their beck and call all day long. My ex-girlfriend used to do that and I ended up leaving her because she just didn’t understand. I have my own life and if a girl can’t handle that, then we aren’t meant.” – Dan, 29, banker

-“My ex had a split Jekyll and Hyde personality when it came to showing affection. She was the sweetest, most loving girl who would shower me with kisses and give me tight embraces – but only when we were alone. In public, she was as stiff and cold as a corpse. I would simply hold her hand and she would reject me. I didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t show to the world how much I adore my girl. It eventually turned me off.” – Randy, 30, graphic artist

There are still more coming’ up, stick with me and you will surely know everything that man’s thinking about their girlfriends. I’m sure you will get a lot of tips from them on how to be the best girlfriend ever, win and melt their hearts. See you.

- He talk’s trash – you may think his admission that his ex was a two-timing b#@$% is a sure sign that he’s done with her, but that degree of passion – even it it’s in the form of anger – proves that he’s still emotionally connected to her.

- He has nothing to say – once a guy has moved past a relationship, he should be able to admit it was painful or say what he learned from it. But if they were together for a stretch of time and he acts all “whatever,” it shows that he hasn’t truly grieved the relationship and come out the other side.

- They’re best friends – though plenty of exes do wind up on decent terms, being BFF with an ex right away is sketchy. If their lives are that entwined, there’s good chance one of them is holding out for a reunion.

- He absolves her – whether she bailed or he let The One get away, its bad news if he thinks his last love could do no wrong. Since his imagination has reinvented her as an angel, you’ll never be competing with her halo.

If he is showing this signs, it means he’s still hook up with his ex, and can’t move on. Help him forget her and do your best so that his mind will be yours forever. Be his best companion, best friend and play mate not just his girlfriend.

I will give you the tips on how you can be the best girlfriend.

Why do guys play pointless games? – Stacking cans and shooting wads of paper into the trash may seem dumb to you, but he can’t help it. “Guys have a need to achieve a sense of competence, even if the skills have no purpose,” says Judy Kleinfeld, EdD, professor of psychology at the University of Alaska at Fairbanks.

Why is it that as soon as a relationship gets serious, some guys get malabo? – You’ve finally decided to be exclusive, and he suddenly starts pulling away. What the hell? Well, men in relationships often feel physically torn in two different directions. While oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is making him want to attach to a girl, the testosterone in his system is telling him to break free and maintain his independence, according to Michael Gurian, author of What Could He Be Thinking?

What do guys find so funny about fall-down, kicked-in-the-groin humor? – As a rule, people tend to laugh at things that make them uncomfortable, and for men, getting hurt is their worst nightmare. “Guys are afraid of being emasculated, so when they see it happen to someone else, like the three stooges or in Dumb and Dumber, they laugh, almost relieved it’s not them,” explains George Weinberg, PhD, author of Why Men Won’t Commit.

Why do guys spend hours surfing around on their computers or gadgets? – Call it crazy, but he actually enjoys seeing how far he can push the thing until it breaks. “Then he can have the pleasure of fixing it and learning how it works,” says Kleinfeld. “The more he explores, the greater the likelihood that he’ll find new features.” It’s a toy to him, not a functional object.

 Why do so many men seem oblivious to clutter and mess? – You might be annoyed by the piles of clothes and papers scattered all over his house, but he may not notice! “Because of biology and socialization, women feel pressure to create a warm, comforting environment,” says Weinberg. “But a man’s pride is outside of the home. His office may be pristine, but the look of his apartment is not a priority.

Why do guys respond to a long e-mail with two sentences? – You wrote an entire novel describing your day, and he responded with something like “That’s cool. Let’s do Chinese for dinner.” Annoying? Absolutely, but it’s not personal. “For most men, the purpose of communication is just to deliver information, not to connect t another person,” explains Weinberg. “If he reads a long e-mail, he’ll weed out the points he needs to address. Responding to every detail just doesn’t seem necessary to him.”