Guide for a Better Love and Sex
By Blue Rose on Monday, 31 of August , 2009 at 8:06 am
We wish every woman treated sex as if it were a Jason Statham movie — nonstop action, lots of screams, 20 explosions per minute. If you feel the same way, maybe it’s time you traded in your silent partner for someone a bit more adventurous. Someone who knows enough sex tricks to write her own HBO series. Follow our advice and you won’t have to look far. She’s sleeping next to you. Yeah, that’s right, the very same woman in the long flannel nightgown, who nodded off during The Office at 8:30. Well, it’s time for a wake-up call.
PROBLEM: She initiates sex about as often as Libya initiates peace – While one survey showed that nearly two-thirds of women say they initiate sex at least sometimes, the bad news is that she counts occasional hair-flipping as initiation. At least once every few weeks, it’d be nice to have our shirts torn apart by someone other than the dry cleaner.
SOLUTION: Buy her new shoes – It works two ways. One, you’re playing into her idea of foreplay: Doing something terribly nice and out of the ordinary makes her want you more. And, even more important, it gives you the chance to work all of those sensitive nerve endings in her feet. When you check her for fit, linger around the tips of her toes. Don’t be surprised if she kicks off her shoes as soon as you get home.
PROBLEM: She hides her body under sheets, pillows, and you – You’ve spent your life imagining your body next to airbrushed babes from beer commercials. She’s spent the same time comparing herself with them. If she doesn’t like to reveal flesh, it’s probably because she’s not comfortable showing it off to you.
SOLUTION: Stop telling her how much you love her legs – Women is weird this way. “If you say something nice about her breast, she’ll just wonder why you don’t like her butt,” says Pamela Regan, Ph.D., a psychologist at California State University in Los Angeles. Go for general compliments. Tell her, “Your body is incredible.”
PROBLEM: Your bedroom sounds like high-school detention — silence, with maybe a few giggles – Men love it when women moan, scream, and pant. It makes it sound — to the flight attendants, anyway — as if we know what we’re doing.
SOLUTION: Create chaos – If she’s quiet, it’s probably because she’s afraid of waking the guards. So create background noise to make her feel relaxed — run the dishwasher, have sex in the shower, drop a CD. You can even sing a little: When you’re giving her oral sex hum along. The low vibrations from your vocal cords will feel incredible to her. Press firmly with your lips; that are where you’ll generate the most vibration.
PROBLEM: She’s squeamish about giving you oral sex – Maybe she’s shy, maybe she doesn’t know what you like, maybe she equates oral sex with an unpleasant circus trick.
SOLUTION: Turn her hands into a bumper – Lou Paget, author of How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, gives seminars on proper oral-sex technique. So she’s a hero in our book, especially after she shared this tip for mouth-to-south resuscitation. When your partner starts giving you oral sex, take her hands off your thighs and hold them with yours (she’ll like that). Then guide her hands to your penis so they form a tube around it. As her mouth goes up and down, rotate her hands clockwise and counterclockwise. The bonus for you: Different tactile sensations make it feel even better than straight oral sex. The bonus for her: smooth sailing will boost her confidence. Her hands will act as a comfortable bumper between the 3 inches of her mouth and the 5 inches (or more) of your penis.
PROBLEM: She won’t lay a hand on you – There’s no reason why foreplay has to be limited to kissing, unhooking straps, and kicking the dog out of the room.
SOLUTION: Tell her your neck hurts – Sex without fondling is more of a drag race than a pleasure trip: No warm-up and you’ll be lucky if it lasts 3.2 seconds. Your goal is to have her take a few laps around your body, with several important pit stops. Start by complaining of a stiff neck. After she helps out, offer to do hers. Switch body parts back and forth. When she starts reaching your lower half, take her hands and have her position one hand vertically, the other horizontally — palm to palm. She’ll then lower these palms of pleasure over your penis. When she strokes you, your penis will slide up between her fingers. Use a little Astroglide and she’ll have you bleating out of her hand.
PROBLEM: Her orgasms roughly coincide with congressional elections – Her orgasms don’t just make her feel good; they’re an undeniable marker of your success as a sex machine. The fewer she has, the wimpier you feel.
SOLUTION: Distract her – The top cause of orgasmic difficulty in women is that they’re thinking about it too much, says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., a sex therapist. If you can keep her mind on other things, you increase the chances that her quakes will be picked up by the geology department at the local university. Try “69,” kiss her passionately while having intercourse, encourage her to tell you about her fantasies as she gets more and more aroused — anything to keep her from focusing on why she’s not having an orgasm. If that fails, tell her about this position: While she’s on top, she should push her left leg forward so it slides slightly toward your head (her knees stay bent) and gently slide her right leg toward your feet. Every few thrusts, she should alternate positions. The pelvic pressure this position creates — and the rotation around your penis — is pretty damn orgasmic. If she asks where you heard about it, do what we do: Say you read it in a magazine.
PROBLEM: She won’t experiment – For many women, it boils down to this: She thinks that if she tries fancy techniques, you’ll think she’s a slut.
SOLUTION: Give her a squeaky-clean source of dirty ideas (and cheesecake recipes) – Buy her a subscription to Redbook — surprisingly, by our count, an average issue has more information about sex technique than other women’s magazines. Do whatever you want to get it in your house: Tell her you found it on the train, or in the men’s-room stall. It won’t be long before she’s searching for “35 New Places to Touch a Man.”
Source: Menshealth
2. “Caution: Dick Curves to the Right.” Again: HEED THIS WARNING.
3. “It’s Showtime: These Nuts In Ya Mouth Take 1.” Sigh. The WHOLE POINT of the CockBib is so your balls don’t get wet, right? Fucking nonsensical CockBib!
4. “Pussy Killer.” I wonder why this “Caution” theme is so central to the CockBib aesthetic!
5. “Today’s Special: Cock Meat Surprise.” As in, “Surprise: That Hole in My Cock Bib Is For My Cock”? 
Avoid high-risk practices. Being on the receiving and of unprotected anal intercourse is probably the riskiest sexual practice of all. (Don’t forget, though, that both partners are at risk in anal intercourse). Even using condoms is not entirely safe: With vaginal intercourse, about 1 in 100 condoms will break, but with anal intercourse, 10 in 100 will break, studies have found.
vaginal syphilis(Secondary syphilis manifested perineal condylomata lata lesions, which presented as gray, raised papules that sometimes appear on the vulva or near the anus, or in any other warm intertriginous region.
When you ask people what they are doing to reduce their risk of getting AIDS, they often say, I’m being more careful about who I have sex with. But this is really very little help, because you simply can’t tell by looking at someone if they’re infected. After all, how do you think people are getting infected? They’re getting infected by having sex with people they think are not infected.
