Information newspaper calculated that all told the cost of family reunification – once fees, tests, and cash securities are tallied – is now 168,131 kroner per couple, plus or minus a krone.

For young international couples, it is even tougher to stay together in Denmark, because current family reunification rules also stipulate that both partners must be at least 24 years old.

Katrine Villumsen and Jessie Villarreal are one young, international couple who have had to come up with creative solutions to be able to stay together.

Villumsen, a journalism student from the Funen town of Faaborg, was taking a year abroad to study in Santa Barbara, California, when she met Villarreal, a young opera singer from Riverside, California. They were both just 19.

They fell in love and after six months moved in together. In their second year together, they began thinking about a more permanent solution for their residency issues as an international couple. To complicate matters, marriage was not a solution for the lesbian couple, as US immigration laws do not recognise same-sex relationships.

“I think it would be easier for a Somalian to immigrate to the US than to Denmark, but in our case, it’s easier for me to immigrate to Denmark than for Katrine to immigrate to the US,” Villarreal told The Copenhagen Post.

So two years ago the couple decided they had a better future in Denmark, where their relationship is at least recognised by law, and where – someday when they are old enough – they can apply for family reunification as a couple.

“My desire to live in Denmark is greater than my desire to live in the US and I feel safer here. Danish people are more apathetic about being gay,” Villarreal said. “In the US people either love you or hate you for being gay.”

As both women were just 21 years old in 2009 – still too young to apply for family reunification – it was now Villarreal’s turn to use a student visa to stay with her partner.

With foreign student tuition and no eligibility for the national student stipend, the decision came at a high cost. Since both are still students, they don’t earn much. But together they managed to get by, working part-time, scrimping, saving and taking out loans.

But last month when Villarreal got a tuition bill of 100,000 kroner for her final year of studies at The Royal Academy of Music – with 50,000 kroner due in just two weeks and 50,000 more in September, they had no idea what to do.

Their life together depended upon her student visa. If she could not pay, she would have to leave the country. Without any expectation of success she decided to post a blog asking for loans or donations to raise the money.

“[It was] a desperate plea. I felt pathetic writing it. But the responses were amazing.” Villarreal said.

Some 14,000 kroner in donations from strangers and friends poured in. Villarreal’s colleagues at The Cockney Pub in Århus arranged two “Save Jessie’s Arse” concerts that raised another 4,000 kroner.  Another colleague she barely knew offered her a no-questions-asked, interest-free loan of 20,000 kroner.

An even bigger loan of 50,000 kroner was offered by an international couple who knew first-hand the difficulties of getting family reunification in Denmark: Katrine’s Danish cousin and his Polish wife. They met as students in Norway and had to borrow money from his parents for their family reunification. Years later they were in the position to pass along the favour to a younger international pair struggling with immigration issues.

Villarreal and Villumsen both said they could not help but contrast the outpouring of generosity and trust from strangers and acquaintances eager to help with the tone of suspicion and distrust for immigrants in the political debate and family reunification rules.

“There must be somebody supporting all these immigration rules, but it’s not the people we’re surrounded by,” Villumsen said.

The governing Liberal Party’s immigration spokesperson Karsten Lauritzen defended the tougher immigration rules, including the higher costs and so-called ‘points system’ by which foreign partners earn ‘points’ to qualify to stay in Denmark through university degrees and other benchmarks.

“When we get better applicants, we also bring in people who are better prepared to become integrated,” Lauritzen told Politiken newspaper earlier this month.

Villumsen sees things a different way.

“In Denmark we have Jante Law, where everyone is supposed to be equal and nobody is better than anybody else,” she said. “But now it’s turning into the situation where if you have a better education, then you get to go first in line. We need people doing all types of work and it shouldn’t matter if you come from India, the US, or wherever.”

“I just think it’s a shame that you can’t be with the person you love in the country you come from, just because it comes down to nationality,” she added.

When Villarreal finishes her Bachelor’s degree next year she will lose her student visa and the couple’s immigration worries will start all over again. But by then, they both will be 24 years old and will have lived together in Denmark for three years. They plan to form a civil union in September.

Then they will be eligible to apply for family reunification – as long as they can put 100,000 kroner in the bank.

Source: ScandAsia.com

It’s not only house, body or car you have to do a make-over. You will ask, Family makeover? What is that? Well it’s all about how to deal with your family, how can you control them and not you whose being controlled by them. Sounds complicated, yes it is, you must practice it now or else you will lose on the battle between them.

A. The most complicated of all is the Money matters. You are having problems in your family most of the time when it comes to money, agree? Well I experienced it before. Specially if your the bread winner, giving you so much head ache. End of the month, your head is going to explode when your looking at your paycheck and thinking of your family, oh gosh…

1. Make a list of all the expenses, disegnate an amount for all of it, just enough no more, no less, no additional.

2. If your working or living in the other country, make sure that you monitor all the necessary expenses in your house, it sounds like you don’t trust them or your paranoid, but it will pay off soon, tell them to scan all the reciept and bills and send it to you.

3. They will ask you to send some amount for example additional school payment, medicine,or check up, make sure to have a strong question and interrogate them deeply, soon it will end up they will tell you what it is for, it is for unnecessary things.

4. Relatives, auncle, aunties, cousins, they will contact you and ask if you can send them money, because of some reasons, these and that, you have to remember they are not your responsibilities, I can understand if its for your brother or sister, gifts once a year is enough, but everytime they will ask you for help and you will also send, nahhh..not acceptable.

5. Your brother or sister will ask, send me some money because I will buy cellphone or it’s my birthday I will have a party, think so many times before you do it, look at your own cellphone, remember your birthday, look at your paycheck every month, then ask your self. Did I had a nice party on my birthday, did I bought new cellphone, will my salary can cover all this expenses? Then you will know the answer, sometimes they are just doing it for showing off that they have somebody working or living in the other country.

6. Sometimes you get to know that they have very high bills and consume alot, what the heck?? Don’t be afraid to ask, why?how?what did you all do?Then be strong and be a stone, tell them ”I will not pay that, this month and next month, I will just send enough for food, you people have to learn and look for alternative how to pay that”, ” I am not just lying here and money is just coming, learn how to be thrifty in everything”.

B. When you have seen all those things, you have to evaluate now thier feelings or your feelings. It’s all about preparing thier feelings now. When you do all in letter A., surely they will feel hurt, but explain to them that you are not just picking up money on the street, you are not doing some extravagant living where ever you are, you are not rich to cover all of thier needs, if you can help you will do it, but not everytime.

When I was working before, my mother always call everyweek, many reasons that are not really important and true, I end up having nothing every end of the month, even my salary next month is gone, shibal!

So what I did one time,when my mom call, I jump up on the bus heading home and surprise them, that’s the time I found out that everything is a lie, and I am so fool believing it, bills and debts are everywhere, haven’t payed even if I send money for paying those…sh…….!!!

When I start to live in Norway, I talked to my parents that my father will be the one to recieve the money and do all the budgetting. Eversince that day my mom did not talked to me, I don’t care I said, it’s for our own good, and sooner she also realized it, it’s not my fault, then we get good relationship between us.

Before I send money, I will call my father, how much for the electric bill, water bill, internet bill, I already know how much is for my daughters nanny, and so I calculate everything. I end up sending enough money, already budgeted and designated, including food for monthly consuming and I extra amount for both my parents that is not big like 500php each. I will give you an example of how much I send every month. I send 2000nok every month, in pesos it 15,000.

electric bill –    1,500php

water bill –            500php

internet –           1000 php

nanny -              2500php

mom –                  500php

dad -                     500php

my daughter -   1,500php – milk,playing in SM,jollibee,things she like

———————–

total -  8,000php

- 15,000php

———————–

7,000php — remaining for thier food

I don’t send money for birthdays or things they like to buy that is just for thier own happiness. I send money to my relatives if it’s borrow and they will pay it, if it’s for free, sorry nothing is free in this world anymore, sounds drastic and bad, but you have to learn how to be like that or else you will end up nothing. I also manage to give my brothers some amount like 500php, not every month, only if I remember and it’s not for them, it’s for my nieces and nephew, I usually tell my father to buy food for the kids for thier snacks in school, I don’t give cash because it will just cause conflicts and I know it will not end up on food.

Eversince I intrusted the money to my father, everything goes very very well, bills are payed, no debts, they also get to save some small amounts in the bank. When I go home, I ask my father where are the bills and I evaluate them one by one, ask them if I had seen a faulty on this or that, ask them how much is this, how much is that? Why is this high? What happen? Then we will have a family conference, hehehe, yeah seriuosly I do that, I tell them what I feel and what is not important and what should they do. It works very well, we don’t have misunderstanding when it comes to money matters and family matters.

If you don’t have anybody that will manage the money, just do what I did, write the expenses and send just enough. They will end up learning how to manage how much they get and be responsible for it.

If you are working having 30,000php salary every month, you can save alot and put in a bank. I had known alot of people working here that end up nothing when the contract is finished, because they send everything at home, they don’t even think of thier own future or what will it be when the job is done. They will go back home, the people thier are hoping he/she has a lot of money, but they don’t also that nothing has left because they alwasy asking and asking. They will even ask you, What??why??What did you do??Maybe you did so many extravagant things there?? They will start to accuse you not knowing or evaluating what they had done too. bu*******t!!!

Then you will feel the pressure again, pressured when you are still working because left and right you hear ”we need money,I need money”, then you get home hoping you will feel happy that at last I get to see my family, but again pressured. Poor you.

Be strong, learn how to be harsh and stone sometimes, we are so soft when it comes to our family, but remember you also have your own life, and if they will not learn they will still be like that even when you already have your own family and that will cause a big problem between you and your husband or wife, it’s not a theory, that’s the truth, most have that kind of problem.

I hate dependent people, we grew up like that but we must stand on our own feet or else we will be like that forever.

Don’t hate me,we have different opinions yes I know, but what I just want to say is ‘‘OPEN YOUR EYES”.

]]> http://myblueheart.org/filipina/family-makeover.html/feed 2 http://myblueheart.org/filipina/how-to-cope-when-money%e2%80%99s-gone.html http://myblueheart.org/filipina/how-to-cope-when-money%e2%80%99s-gone.html#comments Thu, 27 Aug 2009 14:34:25 +0000 Blue Rose http://myblueheart.org/?p=1444 More »]]> It’s not the situation that causes stress, but the person’s perception of the situation. Listen, there’s not one universal stressor. A traumatizing experience for you may be taken as a challenge by the person next to you. Faith in God in your own strengths and in other people’s goodness is crucial. But here are three more essential factors that will help you discover how well you can survive your new, less golden life.

1. Foundation while growing up – ask you’re self: “What kind of upbringing did I have? Did my parents impart good values? Did they teach me how to be strong in times of trial? And to always have a positive outlook in life?”

How you were brought up is a big factor in determining how capable you are of handling problems that come your way. If you were a spoiled rotten as kid who learned no values whatsoever, dealing with your penniless state will be very difficult. However, if you were brought up with a balanced set of values, then it’s up to you to put everything you’ve learned from your folks into practice.

Andrew’s mom was capricious, overly indulgent, and knew nothing about child discipline. When she died, Andrew expected his relatives to cater to his whims and serve him, just as his mother did. His foundation of values was almost non-existent, which made his new poverty unbearable both for Andrew and the people around him.

2. Support system in place – ask you’re self: “How will my new financial status affect my relationships and my social life? Will my rich friends still be there for me? Or will I have to replace them with a new set of friends? Will my boyfriend stay with me even if I have no more money? Will my relatives treat me the way they did when I was rich?”

Family and friends who can and will support you in this time of need are essential. Some people who found themselves in dire situations were able to start a new because of another person’s pr presence and assistance. This is also the best time to discover who your true friends are. Your changed status may break old bonds, but there will always be other, more durable relationships to take their place.

Stephanie’s relatives stopped coming to their place after her family’s financial downfall. They could no longer host lavish get-togethers. She can only able to share her story to her true friends.

3. Your own personality – ask you’re self: “Am I tough or sensitive? An optimist or a pessimist? Self-reliant or dependent? Proud or humble?”

Research proves that it takes six months after a new situation transpires to determine how a person will deal with changes in his life. It was discovered that optimists who became paraplegics eventually regained their positive outlook in life. Before, they were “happy people.” Today, they are “happy people in wheelchairs.” Pessimists who won the lottery were “poor money-pinching worriers” before. Now, they are “rich money-pinching worriers.”

Your outlook in life is based on how you interpret the world before the changes occurred. If you’ve got a positive view in life, then you’re all good! If not, it’s time to change your attitude. If you choose to change your negative behavior, people will response can alter your negative thoughts, and eventually bring about new positive situations.

This book is about successful women who made it to the top of their game. But after bagging the promotion and the prize money, they quit – because they realized that there are other things in life that are more important than the four corner of thier office. Such as time with the family, more creative space for a favorite hobby, or a career shift to help the lesser privileged. The move cost them, in terms of a pay cut, a demotion, and sometimes even friendships. It’s not politically correct for women achievers in the US to turn down the next step up; it just might send the wrong signal to the male-dominated corporate leadership that women just can’t cut in the big time. Still, the women in these stories followed their hearts and are happier for it.

Financial planner Suze Orman says that the thought doesn’t have to worry us. A victim and winner of life’s ups and downs, her little book gives tons of tips on how to multiply the little that you think you have right now. The how-to’s of investing. What insurance do you need? The amount of pension money you’d need to retire comfortably. Because most of the conditions are set in the US, however, the reader would have to do her own mental juggling and occasional homework (e.g. BIR instead of the IRS, the current deficit of the SSS, etc.). Still, the principles are sound. The general ones – being responsible financially, facing our worst financial fears – are universal and apply to everyone. All in all, a thought-provoking read that needs a closer look at home.

Available in all leading bookstore.

Thai girls are not conservative at all; they are open in “every thing”, open minded, open in ideas, open in anything new. They don’t have reservation for their feelings and attitudes, maybe for some low class girls but for girls with breeding, sure they have reservation.

Filipina girls are religious and believe in Church, as a Catholic they believe in the Holy Bible and follow the teachings.

Thai girls are also religious; they have great faith in their Buddha and believe in their ways.

 Filipina girls are polite, shy, kind and sweet. They pay great respect for the elderly and their family and parents.

Thai girls are also the same; most Asian’s have the same characteristics towards family. Thai girls are sweet and kind “if you have money”. If you don’t have they are also sweet and kind.

Filipina girls are loving and caring. They will love you until the end; just don’t make any moves that will lead them to leave you.

Thai girls are also loving and caring “especially” if you have money; they are extra caring and loving. If you don’t have money at all to provide their material things, say goodbye.

Filipina girls are supportive and hardworking; they provide everything for their family even if the husband doesn’t work.

Thai girls are also hardworking, they work to support their family but not their husband, if you don’t have money, sorry for you. They are supportive in telling you to find job always.

Filipina girls are quite and are not so talkative.

Thai girls are loud and talkative and noisy, they are more aggressive and straightforward.

These are just some of the characteristics and attitudes I had learn from our 1 month of stay in Bangkok, Thailand. I remember my husband told me one evening when we are having a conversation, when he went to a massage parlor, coz he always likes to have foot massage, he said one of the Thai girls says, she likes him, spoken indirectly coz she doesn’t know how to speak English, just the other masseur told my husband. Then my husband replied, “sorry I’m with my wife”, the girl said, its ok I want to be your girlfriend. See how they are so aggressive and open minded, and of course my husband is a European so they thought he has a lot of money to provide them what they want. Maybe some of the Filipinas are also thinking like that, but as known they are more concern on their husbands love and care than the money. And that’s for sure.

Some of these alibis are clever, and a few of them are justifiable by the facts. But alibis cannot be used for money. The world wants to know only one thing – have you achieved success?

As you read the list, examine yourself carefully, and determine how many of this alibi’s, if any, are your own property.

IF only I didn’t have a wife and family…

IF only I had enough “pull”…

IF only I had money…

IF only I had a good education…

IF only I could get a job…

IF only I had good health…

IF only I had time…

IF only times were better…

IF only other people understood me…

IF only conditions around me were different…

IF only I could live my life over again…

IF only I did not fear what “they” would say…

IF I had been given a chance…

IF now I had a chance…

IF only other people didn’t “have it in for me”…

IF nothing happens to stop me…

IF only I were younger…

IF only I could do what I want…

IF only I had been born rich…

IF only I could meet “the right people”…

IF only I had the talent that some people have…

IF only I dared assert myself…

IF only I had embraced past opportunities…

IF only people didn’t get in to my nerves…

IF only I didn’t have to keep house and look after children…

IF only I could save some money…

IF only the boss appreciate me…

“Things began to happen in a hurry. I called the newspapers and announced I would preach a sermon the following morning, entitled, ‘What I Would Do If I Had a Million Dollars.’

“I went to work on the sermon immediately, but I must tell you frankly, the task was not difficult, because I had been preparing that sermon for almost two years.

“Long before midnight I had finished writing the sermon. I went to bed and slept with a feeling of confidence, for I could see myself already in possession of the million dollars.

“Next morning I arose early, went into the bathroom, read the sermon, then knelt on my knees and asked that my sermon might come to the attention of someone who would supply the needed money.

“While I was praying I again had the feeling of assurance that the money would be forthcoming. In my excitement, I walked out without my sermon, and did not discover the oversight until I was in my pulpit and about to begin delivering it.

“It was too late to go back for my notes, and what a blessing that I couldn’t go back! Instead, my own subconscious mind yielded the material I needed. When I arose to begin my sermon, I closed my eyes, and spoke with all my heart and soul of my dreams. I not only talked to my audience, but I fancy I talked also to God. I told what I would do with a million dollars if that amount were placed in my hands. I described the plan I had in mind for organizing a great educational institution, where young people would learn to do practical things, and at the same time develop their minds.

Will he succeed on his million dollars preach?

Last chapter will come soon.

While Dr. Gunsaulus was going through college, he observe many defects in our educational system, defects which he believed that he could correct, if he were the head of a college. His deepest desire is to become the directing head of an educational institution in which young man and women would be taught to “learn by doing”.

He made up his mind to organize a new college in which he could carry out his ideas, without being handicapped by orthodox methods of education.

He needed a million dollars to put the project across. Where was he to lay his hands on so large a sum of money? That was the question that absorbed most of this ambitious young preacher’s thought.

But he couldn’t seem to make any progress. Every night he took that thought to bed with him. He got up with it every morning. He took it with him every where he went. He turned it over and over in his mind until it became a consuming obsession with him. A million dollars is a lot of money. He recognized that fact, but he also recognized the truth that the only limitation is that which one sets up in one’s own mind.

Being a philosopher as well as a preacher, Dr. Gunsaulus recognized, as do all who succeed in life, that definiteness of purpose is the starting point fro which one must begin. He recognized, too, that definiteness of purpose takes an animation, life, and power when backed by a burning desire to translate that purpose into its material equivalent.

He knew all these great truths, yet he did not know where, or how to lay his hands on a million dollars. The natural procedure would have been to give up and quit, by saying, “Ah, well, my idea is a good one, but I cannot do anything with it, because I never can procure the necessary million dollars.” That is exactly what the majority of people would have said, but it is not what Dr. Gunsaulus said. What he said, and what he did is so important that I now introduce him, and let him speak for himself.

 ”One Saturday afternoon I sat in my room thinking of ways and means of raising the money to carry out my plans. For nearly two years, I had been thinking, but I had done nothing but think!

“The time had come for action!

What do you think Dr. Gunsaulus will do to raise the million dollars?

See you all on the next chapter.

Tell me your comments, answers and suggestions, I may post it and let our men redears know why, how, and what they have to do to capture a Filipina Heart. I will gladly appreciate your comments.