By Blue Rose on Wednesday, 3 of August , 2011 at 10:23 pm
On July 1 the government made it even more expensive and difficult for couples with one Dane and one non-EU partner to live together in Denmark.
Among other changes, the fee for the famously tough family reunification application was raised to 7,775 kroner – a 30 percent hike – while the compulsory four-year cash guarantee was raised from 63,000 to 100,000 kroner.
Information newspaper calculated that all told the cost of family reunification – once fees, tests, and cash securities are tallied – is now 168,131 kroner per couple, plus or minus a krone.
For young international couples, it is even tougher to stay together in Denmark, because current family reunification rules also stipulate that both partners must be at least 24 years old.
Katrine Villumsen and Jessie Villarreal are one young, international couple who have had to come up with creative solutions to be able to stay together.
Villumsen, a journalism student from the Funen town of Faaborg, was taking a year abroad to study in Santa Barbara, California, when she met Villarreal, a young opera singer from Riverside, California. They were both just 19.
They fell in love and after six months moved in together. In their second year together, they began thinking about a more permanent solution for their residency issues as an international couple. To complicate matters, marriage was not a solution for the lesbian couple, as US immigration laws do not recognise same-sex relationships.
“I think it would be easier for a Somalian to immigrate to the US than to Denmark, but in our case, it’s easier for me to immigrate to Denmark than for Katrine to immigrate to the US,” Villarreal told The Copenhagen Post.
So two years ago the couple decided they had a better future in Denmark, where their relationship is at least recognised by law, and where – someday when they are old enough – they can apply for family reunification as a couple.
“My desire to live in Denmark is greater than my desire to live in the US and I feel safer here. Danish people are more apathetic about being gay,” Villarreal said. “In the US people either love you or hate you for being gay.”
As both women were just 21 years old in 2009 – still too young to apply for family reunification – it was now Villarreal’s turn to use a student visa to stay with her partner.
With foreign student tuition and no eligibility for the national student stipend, the decision came at a high cost. Since both are still students, they don’t earn much. But together they managed to get by, working part-time, scrimping, saving and taking out loans.
But last month when Villarreal got a tuition bill of 100,000 kroner for her final year of studies at The Royal Academy of Music – with 50,000 kroner due in just two weeks and 50,000 more in September, they had no idea what to do.
Their life together depended upon her student visa. If she could not pay, she would have to leave the country. Without any expectation of success she decided to post a blog asking for loans or donations to raise the money.
“[It was] a desperate plea. I felt pathetic writing it. But the responses were amazing.” Villarreal said.
Some 14,000 kroner in donations from strangers and friends poured in. Villarreal’s colleagues at The Cockney Pub in Århus arranged two “Save Jessie’s Arse” concerts that raised another 4,000 kroner. Another colleague she barely knew offered her a no-questions-asked, interest-free loan of 20,000 kroner.
An even bigger loan of 50,000 kroner was offered by an international couple who knew first-hand the difficulties of getting family reunification in Denmark: Katrine’s Danish cousin and his Polish wife. They met as students in Norway and had to borrow money from his parents for their family reunification. Years later they were in the position to pass along the favour to a younger international pair struggling with immigration issues.
Villarreal and Villumsen both said they could not help but contrast the outpouring of generosity and trust from strangers and acquaintances eager to help with the tone of suspicion and distrust for immigrants in the political debate and family reunification rules.
“There must be somebody supporting all these immigration rules, but it’s not the people we’re surrounded by,” Villumsen said.
The governing Liberal Party’s immigration spokesperson Karsten Lauritzen defended the tougher immigration rules, including the higher costs and so-called ‘points system’ by which foreign partners earn ‘points’ to qualify to stay in Denmark through university degrees and other benchmarks.
“When we get better applicants, we also bring in people who are better prepared to become integrated,” Lauritzen told Politiken newspaper earlier this month.
Villumsen sees things a different way.
“In Denmark we have Jante Law, where everyone is supposed to be equal and nobody is better than anybody else,” she said. “But now it’s turning into the situation where if you have a better education, then you get to go first in line. We need people doing all types of work and it shouldn’t matter if you come from India, the US, or wherever.”
“I just think it’s a shame that you can’t be with the person you love in the country you come from, just because it comes down to nationality,” she added.
When Villarreal finishes her Bachelor’s degree next year she will lose her student visa and the couple’s immigration worries will start all over again. But by then, they both will be 24 years old and will have lived together in Denmark for three years. They plan to form a civil union in September.
Then they will be eligible to apply for family reunification – as long as they can put 100,000 kroner in the bank.
Source: ScandAsia.com
By Blue Rose on Saturday, 10 of July , 2010 at 10:56 am
Hello hello everybody! I’m back, just like McArthur said ”I Shall Return”, and here I am!
It’s been quite long since I had a vacation from writing, well guys the reason is I’ve been married, you can’t blame me from being away hehehe… but it’s good to be back in the circle again and here I am!
Well first of all, I want to share my precious moments from the start of proposing… ayayayyy… hehehe, planning and the grand day of my life, and of course I almost forgot the ”honeymoon”, hehehe… so hold on tight and prepare to explore my married life. Well its a quite long story, but I will make it short so you guys will not be bored.
Chapter 1- Proposing
Once upon a time, there was a princess who live in a castle far far away, ops! Sorry it’s not Shrek and Fiona, hehehe…
Ok, I meet this guy in one of the dating site found in the Internet, hey it’s the modern day of looking for your new partner in life you know. Well we catch up so fast, but he is in Europe and I am in the Philippines. Distance is not a hindrance for the person who is in-love. So for short he visited me in the Philippines, we celebrated Christmas and New Year together. Then again came back in the Philippines in February for his birthday, then we travel twice to Bangkok, Thailand in 1 year,first just 10 days then second is whole month holiday, what a holiday!
Later in September I went to Norway in Europe to visit him,such a nice country, but not so nice weather, I mean it’s very cold and snowing, well I have seen snow for the first time in life,I’m great full for that.
We go back to proposing, how did he propose marriage on me? Well we are in Bangkok, Thailand that time, we are having our 1 month holiday there. We decided to have dinner in Sky Hotel, the tallest hotel in Bangkok, we ate, talked and tour around the 83rd floor, then we went up to the revolving deck on top of 85th floor, it was very nice, you can see the whole Bangkok City.
Hmmmm… while I was enjoying my sight seeing, he start talking about marriage and plan about it, I am just listening, then he…
By Blue Rose on Saturday, 15 of August , 2009 at 4:00 am
Something drew my attention, this amazing “Are You Ready for Marriage?” quiz from a 1970 Girls’ Romances. It’s actually pretty reasonable, for a life-decision quiz. The bad news: “Are You Qualified for Marriage?” Answer the questions on your own to know.
1. If he can’t support you, do you earn enough to live comfortably without either family’s help?
- Define “comfortably.” Also, define “help,” “family,” and “enough.”
2. Is there enough money in the bank — in his account, yours, a joint bank account – to meet any emergency? If not, how long will it be before enough funds are available?
-Define “emergency.” Ok, then: Late middle age, if there’s no inflation. With inflation, never.
3. With rentals on the increase, can you afford quarters that you are accustomed to?
-YES! (Granted, I’m accustomed to roaches, mice, and no AC, but really who isn’t these days?)
4. Have either of you a source from which to borrow money should the need arrive?
-Does the bank count? Cause if so, I’m giving that a YES.
5. Rather than estimate roughly how much your joint expenses will be, have you written down, as precisely as possible, where and how your income will be spent, including not only food, clothing and shelter, but such nitty-gritty details as your facial makeup, stockings, accessories, his shaving cream and blades, laundry, toothpaste, and all the other essentials?
- BO-RING! Does writing “a lot” down count? (In good news, my stocking budget is an affordable $0.)
6. Are you sacrificing anything for marriage – school, a career, giving up certain friends?
- NO. See #1. Wait, is this supposed to be a YES?
7. Have you given up certain things because he dislikes them, and has he done the same?
I think “sleeping with other people” qualifies, yes?
8. Have you ever done something together like working to complete a chore at work or school, shoveled snow or mowed the lawn, painted a room, or combined your monies to buy something?
-Heck, YES! We combined monies for a Rollo only yesterday! And haven’t they been following? We don’t have a lawn.
9. Do you associate with married friends your own ages?
-A couple of our friends are thinking about getting married before she has the baby. Sometimes we see them for drinks – okay, not that much since she got pregnant, I guess. But only because she hasn’t been answering our emails. Whatever, her mom’s in town, I know that’s stressful. She’s got a few years on us, but we’re talking ballpark, right?
10. Do you argue often over trifling matters? And do either of you insist on being right?
-Okay, so yesterday he refused to pet a dog because he bites his nails compulsively, and this kind of became a thing because I was like, is it worth offending my parent’s neighbor because you’re so neurotic and infantile? Why don’t you just wear a Hazmat suit, Howard Hughes?
11. Do you love him less after a scrap, or do you continue to love him just as much?
-Well, he agreed on the dog thing, so we’re good.
12. Do you give up your friends that he dislikes?
-Um, just because I used to date someone and almost married him before you, doesn’t mean he isn’t awesome!
13. Even if it hurts him, and puts you in a bad light, can you tell him the truth?
-About what? No, really, what is this getting at? That that one friend of his is super-creepy and really skived me out when I ran into him on the street and he started talking about socks? Cause we handled that.
14. Do you consult your mother, an older sister, or a friend when you have a problem?
-Well, that’s kind of what we pay a shrink for. Where do you think the stocking budget’s going?
15. Can you make a decision and hold to it in spite of criticism of older people?
-You mean that bum on the corner who insulted my new shoes? It hurt, but I’m still wearing them – sometimes.
16. Can you defy your mother’s and/or father’s wishes and stick to it, whether it’s an important or trifling matter?
-Hell, given her druthers, my mom would take me off meds! So, yeah. But look, she hates the big glasses so much, sometimes it’s just not worth it for one dinner. Isn’t compromise adult, too?
17. Are you uncomfortable being alone at night if he has to go out of town on business or goes bowling with the boys or must train for two weeks during the summer with his military or naval service unit?
And whether we’re talking about the creepy friend with the socks.
20. Can you ignore your own bad mood to pull him out of his?
-If by “ignore” you mean “treat with pudding,” then, YES.
21. Can you prepare all of his favorite dishes?
-Well, I’m sure I could prepare that hippy-dippy brown rice-tofu thing he’s so into, but that doesn’t mean I will. So, YES?
22. Do you retain leftovers from your meals know how to prepare them attractively?
-Well, I take a relativist’s approach to “attractiveness.”
23. Can you sew his socks, iron his shirts, press his trousers, mind ferrying his clothes back and forth from the tailor and laundry, his shoes from the cobbler?
-If I got to take an actual “ferry,” I would do this. So I’m giving myself a YES.
24. Have you ever decorated and furnished a room?
-Funny you should ask: I just bought the freakiest antique doll, which I placed under a jar on the mantelpiece. Wow, I’m on a roll!
25. Do you insist that he adhere to your tastes, styles, and colors?
-Yes. Moving on. Purple is for wizards and Lisa Frank.
26. Are you efficient in housekeeping – sweeping, dusting, polishing, washing windows, even to such details as cleaning the blinds and tidying the closet?
-If by “efficient”, do they mean, it doesn’t take up a disproportionate amount of my time? Cause if so, that’s a YES.
27. Are you willing to get up every morning to prepare his breakfast and see him off to work as well as taking care of yourself before going to business or school?
-”Going to business” in the next room really facilitates this. And I mean, he’s welcome to some of the coffee.
28. Has he ever seen you when you’re aware that you don’t look your best – your face smeared with facial cream, hair in curlers or bundled up in a bandanna, or showing the effects of a bad cold, or made dirty from housecleaning?
-Well, of course not.
29. Have you ever seen him when he’s not at his best – in need of a shave, a haircut, un-pressed apparel, showing the effects of a cold, wearing old clothes to putter around the house?
-You know, I really prefer to avoid people who show “the effects of a cold.” It sounds like said people really need a tissue.
30. Have you considered that you will be married to this man, that you will spend the rest of your life with him until deaths do you part?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we get back to the china pattern now, please?
By Blue Rose on Thursday, 26 of March , 2009 at 4:07 pm
Issues on making the “I do” undo.
Nearly half of all U.S. Marriages end in divorce; Is California to blame? In 1969, then Governor Ronald Reagan signed the “no-fault” divorce law, making it easier for couples to end a marriage – requiring no proof of adultery, abuse or other spousal wrong doing – and spurring a trend. Within five years, 30 other states jumped on the bandwagon; now all 50 have passed similar laws.
When the children are involve and both parents have agreed to the divorce, the couple has to participate in a “pre-divorce educational program” and comply with court-monitored support payments and parental-custody arrangements, which, says proponents, will best address the needs of the children rather than those of the parents.
“No fault divorce laws supposedly did away with acrimony in dissolving marriages,” says Jenny, “but it is the children who suffer the most painful consequences.” Her goal, she said, is to protect non consenting spouses and children caught in the middle, not to eliminate divorce or preserve traumatic or abusive marriages. “There are however, many marginal relationships that may be saved,” she adds.
But opponents – namely, divorce lawyers and women’s rights and domestic violence groups – says a return to the old laws will mean more vicious courtroom tactics and invasions of privacy, as well as an increase in spousal abuse and deserted children.
Making divorce difficult will not make bad marriages good. More attentions needs to be placed on developing educational programs to create better marriages in the first place.
