By Blue Rose on Sunday, 30 of August , 2009 at 6:05 am
Love is often associated wit broken hearts. But the darker side also reveals cuts, bruises and broken lives. These are real stories of abusive boyfriends and how Filipina woman were able to break away from the violence.
It started with hard hand squeezes, with is nails digging into her skin. Anne, 21, says that her ex-boyfriend, Mark, did that whenever she said something he didn’t like, even if she did it in a very nice way. Soon, Anne’s fingers and palms were full of small, but painful wounds and bruises. She’d cover up her boyfriend’s abuse by saying that the scratches were made by her pet cat. However, not all were convinced by her act. “We had a feeling that something was wrong when Anne became sullen and withdrawn,” relates Michelle, one of Anne’s friends. “She didn’t hang out with our friends like before. Medyo nagagalit nga kami dati kasi pakiramdam namin e kinukontrol siya ni Mark; he was over possessive.” (We were a bit angry before because we felt that Mark was controlling her; he was over-possessive.) However, no one in their group asked Anne whether Mark was abusing her. “We don’t like to get in their lives, because they may think nakiki-extra kami,” Discloses Michelle, though she quickly adds that she now wished she did.
The abuse became more severe when Anne, upon finding out that Mark cheated on her, confronted him. Mark suddenly grabbed her by the throat and started choking her. “I thought I was going to die, I couldn’t breathe,” recalls Anne, tearfully. It was obvious from her demeanor during the interview that she hadn’t fully recovered from the trauma, which happened nearly two years ago. Mark only released her when another student heard her frantic cries and rushed into the classroom to help her. Though she initially considered filling charges against Mark with their campus disciplinary office, she decided not to because she didn’t wan to make the incident public. Today, though they have both graduated from college, Anne is still distressed. “I don’t want to see Mark again, or be reminded of him because I always remember what he did to me. I am so bitter that he made me emotional cripple. I now have a hard time trusting others – what more get into a new relationship.”
The Stigma of the Abused
According to the Philippine Republic Act Number 9262, or “An Act Defining Violence Against Women and Their Children” (VAWC) includes girlfriend abuse in its definition of “Violence against Women,” which refers to “Any act or a series of acts committed by any person has or had a sexual or dating relationship, which result in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, psychological harm or suffering, or economic abuse, including threats of such acts, battery, assault, coercion, harassment or arbitrary deprivation of liberty.”
According to Amparita Sta.Maria, a lawyer and the director for the Women’s Desk of the Ateneo Human Rights center and a professor of Gender and the Law in the same school, even though the VACW is a recently implemented legal remedy, she concedes that cases are very much underreported. “Disempowerment of women is widespread,” she laments. “In a conservative patriarchal culture like ours, abuse in the context of a relationship is still deemed by many to be a private matter or a domestic issue. Those who are informed of the abuse, and even some authorities, may dissuade a woman from pushing through with her complaint. A victim may also choose to remain anonymous for fear that her abuser will get back at her.”
“There are several reasons why girlfriends who have been abused by their partners are reluctant to speak out,” theorizes Dr. John Sanchez, a psychiatrist who specializes in juvenile development. “Among them is the stigma attached to it although it may be true that the victim often has a dependent, needy type of personality, many girls understandably do not want to be branded as such because insensitive people might pre-judge them, saying na sinasaktan sila kasi pinapayagan nila and sarili nilang abusuhin (they are being abused because they are letting themselves to be abused). The blame is shifted to them when in the first place, violence should never be inflicted upon anybody, whatever her personality.” 
Did u learn something girls? Well if you do, then I think it’s time to change the abusive part. But it’s not trough yet, I still have part two of the story, read more and learn more, catch up for the next post.
You’re comments and suggestions are gratefully accepted.
By Blue Rose on Saturday, 29 of August , 2009 at 4:12 pm
Did you know about the table manners, speaking manners, and everything about proper manners in our life? Well if you know all those, I guess there’s one manner that you don’t know and I think you should know and learn.
It is also called the sexual etiquette, miss manners can tell you which fork to use at a garden party or explain the elaborate protocol of weddings. But who’s to explain the etiquette of sex? Pardon the presumption, but here’s a rough sketch of an ethic of sexual decency – guidelines to ensure that we treat our lovers with kindness, decency, playfulness, and pleasuring.
Remember the golden rule – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” works as well between the sheets as it does anywhere else.
Take the time to make yourself desirable – in longtime marriages, and even in longish relationships, lovers tend to let themselves go to seed without really sensing how unfair that it is to their partner. You notice when your partners comes to bed with face or legs covered with stubble, or without having showered, or with un-brushed teeth. Why shouldn’t your partner notice when you do the same? You may feel desire, but is you don’t take the trouble to make yourself desirable, is it really fair to ask for sex?
Ask for what you want – it’s not fair or right to present yourself to a lover and say, in effect, “Here’s my body – see if you can figure out what to do with it.” For one thing, if you don’t know how to ask for what you want, you’re virtually guaranteed not to get it. For another, by not helping your partner satisfy you, you’re setting him (or her) up for failure, touching off the tumble toward blame, anger and recrimination. If you have the strength and self-respect to ask, it will help your partner do the same.
Make sure that was a yes – you need to be sure that your partner has given full consent to sex. Sexual etiquette means nothing if it doesn’t honor this basic sexual right. And consent is not something that required only of college kids on a date. Its question of propriety tat applies to any sexual relationship, even a married one.
Take no for an answer – if your partner can tor wont give you what you want (oral sex, say), then it’s unfair to bully or browbeat them into giving it anyway. To pressure a lover by withholding love, threatening them or making the feel unworthy constitutes kind of sexual blackmail. A ‘no’ may not always last forever. It’s acceptable to ask again later, if you do so in kind, undemanding way.
Take responsibility – you need to take responsibility for your own sexual needs and desires accept them with reverence and gratitude – and let your partner know what they are.
Respect your partner’s nakedness – “Where else are we as vulnerable as we are during sex?” asks Jude Cotter, Ph.D., psychologist and sex therapist in private practice in Farmington Hills, Michigan. “We are naked, physically and spiritually, and there’s an obligation to be sensitive to that vulnerability.”
During extended foreplay, air taken up into the vagina will sometimes escape in little farts the French call “love butterflies.” A woman should feel comfortable letting fly a few butterflies in front of her lover, or saying or doing whatever else she wishes, without fear that such intimacies will be later violated. To violate the privacies that are shared during sex should be a crime. (It’s not just a spy who traffic in pillow talks).
Remember to say thank you – if you thank the bagboy at the grocery store for helping you load the car, shouldn’t you also always thank your lover for more important favors? (There are plenty of ways to say thank you, of course, and some of the nicest ones don’t require words.)
Keep some things secret – what people say during orgasm, more lyrically known as “birdsong at morning,” is private and should be kept secret. The Indians didn’t keep parrots or mynah birds in their bedrooms because of how readily the birds pick up and repeated such privacies – so don’t you do it, either.
By My Blue Heart on Friday, 28 of August , 2009 at 2:47 pm
Let’s laugh out our problems for a while, here’s a bit dirty joke, but it’s the way you like it!
The Beard – a married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard. “Oh Larry, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.” Larry replied, “My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill!” “Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice. “Really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!” The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally give in. That night, Larry crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping. The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, “Oh Fred, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!”
Spaghetti Baby – a doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to US and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of the expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to US. Six months went by until one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office. “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from US, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.” Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, “Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti-two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”
What’s the name daddy? – a high school girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party alone. Since she was a good looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, “It is very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, ask him ‘What will be the name of our baby?’ that will scare the off.” So off she went. After a while at the party a boy started dancing with her and, little by little, kissing her and touching her. She asked him, “What will be the name of our baby?” The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later the same thing happened again, a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders. She stopped him and asked him, “What will be the name of our baby?” He ran off. Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes he started kissing her and she asked him, “What will our baby be called?” He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. “What will be the name of our baby?” she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. “What will be the name of our baby?!” she asked again. After he was done, he peeled off his condom, tied it in a knot and said, “If he gets out of this one…David Copperfield!”
Grandma’s boyfriend – a ten year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?” Grandma replied: “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch at all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.” Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said, “Hello son is your Grandma home?” the little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom banging’ her boyfriend.”
By Blue Rose on Wednesday, 26 of August , 2009 at 4:59 am
Sorry for all those who have sensitive stomach, viewing these pictures may feel you sick.
If you want to have a deep in a swamp that you don’t even know if it’s safe, here’s a danger sign for all. Have a look if you can.
Beware
Source: totallycrap.com
By Blue Rose on Saturday, 15 of August , 2009 at 4:00 am
Something drew my attention, this amazing “Are You Ready for Marriage?” quiz from a 1970 Girls’ Romances. It’s actually pretty reasonable, for a life-decision quiz. The bad news: “Are You Qualified for Marriage?” Answer the questions on your own to know.
1. If he can’t support you, do you earn enough to live comfortably without either family’s help?
- Define “comfortably.” Also, define “help,” “family,” and “enough.”
2. Is there enough money in the bank — in his account, yours, a joint bank account – to meet any emergency? If not, how long will it be before enough funds are available?
-Define “emergency.” Ok, then: Late middle age, if there’s no inflation. With inflation, never.
3. With rentals on the increase, can you afford quarters that you are accustomed to?
-YES! (Granted, I’m accustomed to roaches, mice, and no AC, but really who isn’t these days?)
4. Have either of you a source from which to borrow money should the need arrive?
-Does the bank count? Cause if so, I’m giving that a YES.
5. Rather than estimate roughly how much your joint expenses will be, have you written down, as precisely as possible, where and how your income will be spent, including not only food, clothing and shelter, but such nitty-gritty details as your facial makeup, stockings, accessories, his shaving cream and blades, laundry, toothpaste, and all the other essentials?
- BO-RING! Does writing “a lot” down count? (In good news, my stocking budget is an affordable $0.)
6. Are you sacrificing anything for marriage – school, a career, giving up certain friends?
- NO. See #1. Wait, is this supposed to be a YES?
7. Have you given up certain things because he dislikes them, and has he done the same?
I think “sleeping with other people” qualifies, yes?
8. Have you ever done something together like working to complete a chore at work or school, shoveled snow or mowed the lawn, painted a room, or combined your monies to buy something?
-Heck, YES! We combined monies for a Rollo only yesterday! And haven’t they been following? We don’t have a lawn.
9. Do you associate with married friends your own ages?
-A couple of our friends are thinking about getting married before she has the baby. Sometimes we see them for drinks – okay, not that much since she got pregnant, I guess. But only because she hasn’t been answering our emails. Whatever, her mom’s in town, I know that’s stressful. She’s got a few years on us, but we’re talking ballpark, right?
10. Do you argue often over trifling matters? And do either of you insist on being right?
-Okay, so yesterday he refused to pet a dog because he bites his nails compulsively, and this kind of became a thing because I was like, is it worth offending my parent’s neighbor because you’re so neurotic and infantile? Why don’t you just wear a Hazmat suit, Howard Hughes?
11. Do you love him less after a scrap, or do you continue to love him just as much?
-Well, he agreed on the dog thing, so we’re good.
12. Do you give up your friends that he dislikes?
-Um, just because I used to date someone and almost married him before you, doesn’t mean he isn’t awesome!
13. Even if it hurts him, and puts you in a bad light, can you tell him the truth?
-About what? No, really, what is this getting at? That that one friend of his is super-creepy and really skived me out when I ran into him on the street and he started talking about socks? Cause we handled that.
14. Do you consult your mother, an older sister, or a friend when you have a problem?
-Well, that’s kind of what we pay a shrink for. Where do you think the stocking budget’s going?
15. Can you make a decision and hold to it in spite of criticism of older people?
-You mean that bum on the corner who insulted my new shoes? It hurt, but I’m still wearing them – sometimes.
16. Can you defy your mother’s and/or father’s wishes and stick to it, whether it’s an important or trifling matter?
-Hell, given her druthers, my mom would take me off meds! So, yeah. But look, she hates the big glasses so much, sometimes it’s just not worth it for one dinner. Isn’t compromise adult, too?
17. Are you uncomfortable being alone at night if he has to go out of town on business or goes bowling with the boys or must train for two weeks during the summer with his military or naval service unit?
And whether we’re talking about the creepy friend with the socks.
20. Can you ignore your own bad mood to pull him out of his?
-If by “ignore” you mean “treat with pudding,” then, YES.
21. Can you prepare all of his favorite dishes?
-Well, I’m sure I could prepare that hippy-dippy brown rice-tofu thing he’s so into, but that doesn’t mean I will. So, YES?
22. Do you retain leftovers from your meals know how to prepare them attractively?
-Well, I take a relativist’s approach to “attractiveness.”
23. Can you sew his socks, iron his shirts, press his trousers, mind ferrying his clothes back and forth from the tailor and laundry, his shoes from the cobbler?
-If I got to take an actual “ferry,” I would do this. So I’m giving myself a YES.
24. Have you ever decorated and furnished a room?
-Funny you should ask: I just bought the freakiest antique doll, which I placed under a jar on the mantelpiece. Wow, I’m on a roll!
25. Do you insist that he adhere to your tastes, styles, and colors?
-Yes. Moving on. Purple is for wizards and Lisa Frank.
26. Are you efficient in housekeeping – sweeping, dusting, polishing, washing windows, even to such details as cleaning the blinds and tidying the closet?
-If by “efficient”, do they mean, it doesn’t take up a disproportionate amount of my time? Cause if so, that’s a YES.
27. Are you willing to get up every morning to prepare his breakfast and see him off to work as well as taking care of yourself before going to business or school?
-”Going to business” in the next room really facilitates this. And I mean, he’s welcome to some of the coffee.
28. Has he ever seen you when you’re aware that you don’t look your best – your face smeared with facial cream, hair in curlers or bundled up in a bandanna, or showing the effects of a bad cold, or made dirty from housecleaning?
-Well, of course not.
29. Have you ever seen him when he’s not at his best – in need of a shave, a haircut, un-pressed apparel, showing the effects of a cold, wearing old clothes to putter around the house?
-You know, I really prefer to avoid people who show “the effects of a cold.” It sounds like said people really need a tissue.
30. Have you considered that you will be married to this man, that you will spend the rest of your life with him until deaths do you part?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we get back to the china pattern now, please?
By Blue Rose on Saturday, 15 of August , 2009 at 3:25 am
There is a new Afghan law states that it will allow men to deny giving food to thier wives if they refuse to have sex. The law also allows a rapist to pay his victim “blood money” to avoid prosecution. [Guardian]
By My Blue Heart on Wednesday, 12 of August , 2009 at 11:32 pm
Sex shouldn’t resemble Naked Twister. Too much twisting and contorting can leave a woman feeling like a sexless member of Cirque du Soleil. “Unlike men, women can lose an orgasm almost in the midst of having one,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First and He Comes Next. The solution? This simple series of positions, designed to help you flow naturally from move to move without ending up like a flesh pretzel.
Missionary – It’s tame, but it’s a natural starter because of strong eye contact, says Kerner. “But men often ejaculate faster because of the friction.” To last longer and keep her happy, switch to a move that maintains clitoral pressure without so much thrusting.
Spider – Sit back and pull her toward you while you both lift your knees. “Physically, it allows her to feel a deeper, more intense, more intimate stimulation than missionary, with less friction,” says Candida Royalle, author of How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do.
Reverse Cowgirl – Encourage her to turn around and face away from you. This creates G-spot stimulation for her, and the change will help you hold out longer. If she seems uncomfortable on top, resume the spider or try the spork, two natural transitions.
Doggy-style – “It’s the most arousing position for men, because it’s the most primal,” says Linda Banner, Ph.D., author of Advanced Sexual Techniques. The angle also allows for deeper penetration, which ups your chances of stimulating her G-spot.
Belly Flop – Grab a pillow and enjoy a little downtime. “Lay the woman on her stomach with the pillow under her hips so her pelvis is angled and you have a better chance of hitting her G-spot,” says Banner. Extend your arms to keep the weight off her.
Lazy Man – Here’s another move that maintains intimacy. Simply lean back and gently pull her on top. “This can help women feel in control,” says Sarah Janosik, a sex therapist and cofounder and clinical director of the Austin Center for Sexual Medicine.
Spork – Similar to spooning but slightly more ambitious, this position makes a natural bridge to more creative positions. “If she’s limber enough, he can also lift her leg, thus increasing penetration”.
Man Chair – Once past the basics, positions become “more about psychological novelty”. Doggy-style is about your dominance, but from there you can naturally transition into this rear-entry position that puts her in the driver’s seat.
By Blue Rose on Wednesday, 12 of August , 2009 at 11:19 pm
Women just don’t like ex-girlfriends.
Not because we’re insecure, it’s just they’re a part of your history we don’t want to know about. Especially when we’ve been together for seven years.
My friends know everything.
Sex, presents, habits… everything.
We’re not jealous of your female friends, we’re wary of them.
And we’re wary because we don’t know what they want.
Women can tell a player.
He’s bloody stupid if he thinks we can’t..
Every couple needs time apart.
If you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of your girlfriend going out without meeting someone else you’re too needy. Back off.
We expect you to reply to texts straight away,
But we don’t have to get straight back to you. That’s the game.
Compliment my eyes, my lips or even my arms, but not my breasts.
No matter what we are wearing it doesn’t impress. It embarrasses.
You can’t come back from cheating.
It’s the worst thing a man can do to a woman.
Humor, cooking, and then massage.
That’s my ranking.
A man can come back from one sexual disaster, but not two.
No way. We’ll accept nerves as an excuse for the first time, but there’s no reason to do it badly again.
Compliment a woman too suavely and it seems cheesy.
Do it sheepishly – like you’ve mustered up the courage to say something – and we think it’s lovely.
If I’m crying you must hug me.
There’s nothing worse than a man standing uncomfortably while you’re upset. Be there for me.
There is no such thing as women’s intuition.
You’re just not a very good liar.
My sister had ‘eye sex’ last night.
Its prolonged eye contact with a stranger and it shows how important eye contact is.
Flatulence isn’t funny.
It’s disgusting, but burping is worse. It’s unnecessary. It’s rude. It says: “Well, I don’t give a shit.”
On first dates
We may look confident, but it’s a front. We’re horrendously insecure, so you need to take control. Be cool, laid-back, make us feel at ease.
Women like to be protected.
I don’t mean fight anyone who looks at us – that’s not attractive. I mean make us feel like you could knock someone out should the need occur.
Hairy men have got to think about waxing.
Women keep their body hair under control. You should too. It’s going to be more pleasant for both of us.
I can get ready in ten minutes.
You should be able to, too. There’s nothing worse than a man who takes too much time pampering. Peacocks have had their time.
Flowers aren’t naff.
They’re a true old-fashioned romantic gesture.
It’s not that we’re never wrong.
It’s that you don’t get what we’re telling you.
