By Blue Rose on Wednesday, 9 of September , 2009 at 7:00 am
Learn from your past – and be the best girlfriend
You need not wish an ex-boyfriend ill. Instead, make better use of your time and emotions by taking advantage of bitter breakups and dude dramas – and coming out the truly better half.
It didn’t work out. Now what? Whether your boyfriend ducked out or you called it quits, truth is, you can learn a thing or two from each failed relationship. Ultimately, it’s you – because you have full control over how your next relationship can be better. Here, we help you pick up self-improvement cues from your ex-boyfriend’s raves and rants. Listen closely and learn how to makeover your girlfriend style and ready yourself for Mr. Next.
What Makes You Girlfriend Material
- “Having ambition and goals is a big turn-on for guys. Men may base their first impressions on women’s looks or sense of humor, but we really do looks for hints as to how a woman’s personality will pan out in the long run. Will she be dependable, or will she just drag a man down?” – Sandy, 32, manager
- “A girl should go out with someone who’s more like her. I think my ex was a bit too aggressive and neurotic for me while I was laidback and lazy. We both tried to compromise by becoming more like the other person. That led a lot of tension and unneeded resentment.” – Nathan, 27, call center agent
- “Pretty girls are used to being chased by guys. So when they get into a serious relationship, they forget that they have to sacrifice all the fun flirtations of the single life. If one man adoring her isn’t enough, then she should just stay single.” – Teddy, 22, student
- “Many girls take nice guys for granted. And when the jerks they end up with start breaking their hearts, they wonder what happened! Those girls should screw their heads on straight and see that nice guys are here to stay – for the long haul!” – Francis, 30, Engineer
- “Though the sweet, mahinhin type is appealing for many guys, we don’t particularly want to have a partner who’s as meek as a worm (read: no backbone). On a first date, girls should tell guys where they’d like to go or what they’d like to eat, and be open to their date’s suggestions as well. Guys like girls who are confident, but not too bossy.” – Patrick, 26, executive manager
Managing Relationship Expectations
- “My ex would get infuriated with me whenever I forgot to text her, ‘Good night. I love you’ before going to bed. If I didn’t text her, I would wake up with at least 10 text messages in my mobile phone – all from her, telling me what an inconsiderate ass I was. The issue got really old very quickly and I couldn’t stand her insecurity anymore, so I dumped her.” – Mel, 33, accountant
- “I like a woman who has no problem with ‘guy time.’ My friends will always be a part of my life. A woman can’t replace then and she certainly can’t make me choose between her and them.” – Paulo, 27, teacher
- “I can’t stand it when girls get so clingy. They start whining about being alone and hopeless without me at their beck and call all day long. My ex-girlfriend used to do that and I ended up leaving her because she just didn’t understand. I have my own life and if a girl can’t handle that, then we aren’t meant.” – Dan, 29, banker
-“My ex had a split Jekyll and Hyde personality when it came to showing affection. She was the sweetest, most loving girl who would shower me with kisses and give me tight embraces – but only when we were alone. In public, she was as stiff and cold as a corpse. I would simply hold her hand and she would reject me. I didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t show to the world how much I adore my girl. It eventually turned me off.” – Randy, 30, graphic artist
There are still more coming’ up, stick with me and you will surely know everything that man’s thinking about their girlfriends. I’m sure you will get a lot of tips from them on how to be the best girlfriend ever, win and melt their hearts. See you.
By Blue Rose on Tuesday, 8 of September , 2009 at 6:05 pm
Dating a guy who’s still hung up on a former flame is asking for heartbreak. Here are signs he hasn’t moved on.
- He talk’s trash – you may think his admission that his ex was a two-timing b#@$% is a sure sign that he’s done with her, but that degree of passion – even it it’s in the form of anger – proves that he’s still emotionally connected to her.
- He has nothing to say – once a guy has moved past a relationship, he should be able to admit it was painful or say what he learned from it. But if they were together for a stretch of time and he acts all “whatever,” it shows that he hasn’t truly grieved the relationship and come out the other side.
- They’re best friends – though plenty of exes do wind up on decent terms, being BFF with an ex right away is sketchy. If their lives are that entwined, there’s good chance one of them is holding out for a reunion.
- He absolves her – whether she bailed or he let The One get away, its bad news if he thinks his last love could do no wrong. Since his imagination has reinvented her as an angel, you’ll never be competing with her halo.
If he is showing this signs, it means he’s still hook up with his ex, and can’t move on. Help him forget her and do your best so that his mind will be yours forever. Be his best companion, best friend and play mate not just his girlfriend.
I will give you the tips on how you can be the best girlfriend.
By Blue Rose on Tuesday, 8 of September , 2009 at 3:05 pm
Sometimes it’s hard to know what makes men tick. So we researched some of guy’s most baffling antics. Check out these fascinating explanations.
Why do guys play pointless games? – Stacking cans and shooting wads of paper into the trash may seem dumb to you, but he can’t help it. “Guys have a need to achieve a sense of competence, even if the skills have no purpose,” says Judy Kleinfeld, EdD, professor of psychology at the University of Alaska at Fairbanks.
Why is it that as soon as a relationship gets serious, some guys get malabo? – You’ve finally decided to be exclusive, and he suddenly starts pulling away. What the hell? Well, men in relationships often feel physically torn in two different directions. While oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is making him want to attach to a girl, the testosterone in his system is telling him to break free and maintain his independence, according to Michael Gurian, author of What Could He Be Thinking?
What do guys find so funny about fall-down, kicked-in-the-groin humor? – As a rule, people tend to laugh at things that make them uncomfortable, and for men, getting hurt is their worst nightmare. “Guys are afraid of being emasculated, so when they see it happen to someone else, like the three stooges or in Dumb and Dumber, they laugh, almost relieved it’s not them,” explains George Weinberg, PhD, author of Why Men Won’t Commit.
Why do guys spend hours surfing around on their computers or gadgets? – Call it crazy, but he actually enjoys seeing how far he can push the thing until it breaks. “Then he can have the pleasure of fixing it and learning how it works,” says Kleinfeld. “The more he explores, the greater the likelihood that he’ll find new features.” It’s a toy to him, not a functional object.
Why do so many men seem oblivious to clutter and mess? – You might be annoyed by the piles of clothes and papers scattered all over his house, but he may not notice! “Because of biology and socialization, women feel pressure to create a warm, comforting environment,” says Weinberg. “But a man’s pride is outside of the home. His office may be pristine, but the look of his apartment is not a priority.
Why do guys respond to a long e-mail with two sentences? – You wrote an entire novel describing your day, and he responded with something like “That’s cool. Let’s do Chinese for dinner.” Annoying? Absolutely, but it’s not personal. “For most men, the purpose of communication is just to deliver information, not to connect t another person,” explains Weinberg. “If he reads a long e-mail, he’ll weed out the points he needs to address. Responding to every detail just doesn’t seem necessary to him.”
By Blue Rose on Wednesday, 2 of September , 2009 at 2:21 pm
Hershey’s syrup, whipped cream, and a Cat woman mask. Yes, yes, we were thinking the same thing: Nothing beats a woman who purrs. But what if you’re still trying to get to the next level of your relationship? Well, that’s where the fun comes in.
“Ultimately, fun is the best aphrodisiac,” says Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On! “Quit looking for sexy and look for fun instead—and you’ll end up having more sex.” We like the way this guy thinks. That’s why we brainstormed these adventures (with some help from experts and our female friends).
Read more: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/fun_date_ideas/index.php#ixzz0Pjx1wcNf
By Blue Rose on Monday, 31 of August , 2009 at 2:00 pm
Enough is enough
Insecurity is the one thing in common between the abuser and the abused. Abuse in an intimate relationship is an assertion of dominance by someone, who believes in the necessity of using violence, by whatever means, to censure, punish or discipline… it is a type of power tripping exerted by the male to establish superiority over the female. Eventually, the girl will come to believe that it’s her fault that’s he is being beaten.
There was a student who was also a model and her boyfriend was very jealous. “He slashed her thighs with a box-cutter so she would stop wearing miniskirts, which her boyfriend disapproved of because other guys were looking at her legs.” The girl wanted to kill herself when she confessed to her best friend, the girl broke down and admitted that it wasn’t the first time her boyfriend hurt her. “He had even set her hair on fire with lighter fluid while accusing her of being a “slut” and “prostitute” because he saw some pictures of her in Boracay with several guys he didn’t recognize.” Yet, for over a year, she put up with hid dehumanizing treatment because he threatened her with greater harm if she left him. It took the slashing incident for her to finally say, “enough is enough” and call it quits.
A new study confirms that females who have been battered are more likely to suffer from chronic depression, catch stress related illnesses, attempt suicide, and be subjected to forced sexual relations than those who were only verbally abused or emotionally neglected by their parents. Usually while the girl is being bashed and kicked, there is an accompanying barrage of cursing and disparaging criticism guys who hurt their girlfriends are often described as manipulative, jealous and domineering, which s psychologically damaging.
Danger zone
Though there are a lot of factors that may cause someone to be abusive (or be the abused), such as a history of family abuse, the influence of friends, the wrong values promoted by mass media, and living in a “macho” (and sometimes chauvinistic) society, these usually don’t completely explain it. Likewise, there is no sure way of telling whether your beloved boyfriend is a possible abuser and when he will strike, although there are danger signs that should put you on your guard.
Estella, 16, didn’t wait around for it to happen. “During a heated argument, my then-boyfriend shouted curses at me, then picked up a chair and smashed it against the wall. I got terrified. That same night, I decided to break up with him for good.” If you feel that he might (physically) hurt you, leave the relationship at once. You should learn how to trust your instinct (the little voice in your head, telling that “No, this isn’t right anymore”) or else you will find yourself like Estella.
Some young decent man says, “We don’t need to hit our girlfriends to make them behave, because just harsh, intimidation and bad words are enough,” hah! Is that so? Some of the girlfriends also say, “The infliction of pain on them, as long as it’s not overly physical is seen as a sign or proof that their boyfriends love them.”
I am shocked that some girls regard it as normal, albeit unpleasant, fact of life. The Coalition Against trafficking in Women-Asia-Pacific (CATW-AP), teaches the adolescent boys that females are not to be treated as commodities, but as human beings who are their co-equals. Meanwhile the girls must be encouraged to develop, at an early age, strong self-esteem that is based on their capabilities and character, rather than relying on what others – especially males – think about how they should behave. Girls, don’t be so stupid and naïve when it comes to love, think of it for so many times, when you think your boy has the capabilities of doing the abusive things, “better be off; than be knocked off”…OK!
By Blue Rose on Monday, 31 of August , 2009 at 8:06 am
We wish every woman treated sex as if it were a Jason Statham movie — nonstop action, lots of screams, 20 explosions per minute. If you feel the same way, maybe it’s time you traded in your silent partner for someone a bit more adventurous. Someone who knows enough sex tricks to write her own HBO series. Follow our advice and you won’t have to look far. She’s sleeping next to you. Yeah, that’s right, the very same woman in the long flannel nightgown, who nodded off during The Office at 8:30. Well, it’s time for a wake-up call.
PROBLEM: She initiates sex about as often as Libya initiates peace – While one survey showed that nearly two-thirds of women say they initiate sex at least sometimes, the bad news is that she counts occasional hair-flipping as initiation. At least once every few weeks, it’d be nice to have our shirts torn apart by someone other than the dry cleaner.
SOLUTION: Buy her new shoes – It works two ways. One, you’re playing into her idea of foreplay: Doing something terribly nice and out of the ordinary makes her want you more. And, even more important, it gives you the chance to work all of those sensitive nerve endings in her feet. When you check her for fit, linger around the tips of her toes. Don’t be surprised if she kicks off her shoes as soon as you get home.
PROBLEM: She hides her body under sheets, pillows, and you – You’ve spent your life imagining your body next to airbrushed babes from beer commercials. She’s spent the same time comparing herself with them. If she doesn’t like to reveal flesh, it’s probably because she’s not comfortable showing it off to you.
SOLUTION: Stop telling her how much you love her legs – Women is weird this way. “If you say something nice about her breast, she’ll just wonder why you don’t like her butt,” says Pamela Regan, Ph.D., a psychologist at California State University in Los Angeles. Go for general compliments. Tell her, “Your body is incredible.”
PROBLEM: Your bedroom sounds like high-school detention — silence, with maybe a few giggles – Men love it when women moan, scream, and pant. It makes it sound — to the flight attendants, anyway — as if we know what we’re doing.
SOLUTION: Create chaos – If she’s quiet, it’s probably because she’s afraid of waking the guards. So create background noise to make her feel relaxed — run the dishwasher, have sex in the shower, drop a CD. You can even sing a little: When you’re giving her oral sex hum along. The low vibrations from your vocal cords will feel incredible to her. Press firmly with your lips; that are where you’ll generate the most vibration.
PROBLEM: She’s squeamish about giving you oral sex – Maybe she’s shy, maybe she doesn’t know what you like, maybe she equates oral sex with an unpleasant circus trick.
SOLUTION: Turn her hands into a bumper – Lou Paget, author of How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, gives seminars on proper oral-sex technique. So she’s a hero in our book, especially after she shared this tip for mouth-to-south resuscitation. When your partner starts giving you oral sex, take her hands off your thighs and hold them with yours (she’ll like that). Then guide her hands to your penis so they form a tube around it. As her mouth goes up and down, rotate her hands clockwise and counterclockwise. The bonus for you: Different tactile sensations make it feel even better than straight oral sex. The bonus for her: smooth sailing will boost her confidence. Her hands will act as a comfortable bumper between the 3 inches of her mouth and the 5 inches (or more) of your penis.
PROBLEM: She won’t lay a hand on you – There’s no reason why foreplay has to be limited to kissing, unhooking straps, and kicking the dog out of the room.
SOLUTION: Tell her your neck hurts – Sex without fondling is more of a drag race than a pleasure trip: No warm-up and you’ll be lucky if it lasts 3.2 seconds. Your goal is to have her take a few laps around your body, with several important pit stops. Start by complaining of a stiff neck. After she helps out, offer to do hers. Switch body parts back and forth. When she starts reaching your lower half, take her hands and have her position one hand vertically, the other horizontally — palm to palm. She’ll then lower these palms of pleasure over your penis. When she strokes you, your penis will slide up between her fingers. Use a little Astroglide and she’ll have you bleating out of her hand.
PROBLEM: Her orgasms roughly coincide with congressional elections – Her orgasms don’t just make her feel good; they’re an undeniable marker of your success as a sex machine. The fewer she has, the wimpier you feel.
SOLUTION: Distract her – The top cause of orgasmic difficulty in women is that they’re thinking about it too much, says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., a sex therapist. If you can keep her mind on other things, you increase the chances that her quakes will be picked up by the geology department at the local university. Try “69,” kiss her passionately while having intercourse, encourage her to tell you about her fantasies as she gets more and more aroused — anything to keep her from focusing on why she’s not having an orgasm. If that fails, tell her about this position: While she’s on top, she should push her left leg forward so it slides slightly toward your head (her knees stay bent) and gently slide her right leg toward your feet. Every few thrusts, she should alternate positions. The pelvic pressure this position creates — and the rotation around your penis — is pretty damn orgasmic. If she asks where you heard about it, do what we do: Say you read it in a magazine.
PROBLEM: She won’t experiment – For many women, it boils down to this: She thinks that if she tries fancy techniques, you’ll think she’s a slut.
SOLUTION: Give her a squeaky-clean source of dirty ideas (and cheesecake recipes) – Buy her a subscription to Redbook — surprisingly, by our count, an average issue has more information about sex technique than other women’s magazines. Do whatever you want to get it in your house: Tell her you found it on the train, or in the men’s-room stall. It won’t be long before she’s searching for “35 New Places to Touch a Man.”
Source: Menshealth
By Blue Rose on Sunday, 30 of August , 2009 at 6:05 am
Love is often associated wit broken hearts. But the darker side also reveals cuts, bruises and broken lives. These are real stories of abusive boyfriends and how Filipina woman were able to break away from the violence.
It started with hard hand squeezes, with is nails digging into her skin. Anne, 21, says that her ex-boyfriend, Mark, did that whenever she said something he didn’t like, even if she did it in a very nice way. Soon, Anne’s fingers and palms were full of small, but painful wounds and bruises. She’d cover up her boyfriend’s abuse by saying that the scratches were made by her pet cat. However, not all were convinced by her act. “We had a feeling that something was wrong when Anne became sullen and withdrawn,” relates Michelle, one of Anne’s friends. “She didn’t hang out with our friends like before. Medyo nagagalit nga kami dati kasi pakiramdam namin e kinukontrol siya ni Mark; he was over possessive.” (We were a bit angry before because we felt that Mark was controlling her; he was over-possessive.) However, no one in their group asked Anne whether Mark was abusing her. “We don’t like to get in their lives, because they may think nakiki-extra kami,” Discloses Michelle, though she quickly adds that she now wished she did.
The abuse became more severe when Anne, upon finding out that Mark cheated on her, confronted him. Mark suddenly grabbed her by the throat and started choking her. “I thought I was going to die, I couldn’t breathe,” recalls Anne, tearfully. It was obvious from her demeanor during the interview that she hadn’t fully recovered from the trauma, which happened nearly two years ago. Mark only released her when another student heard her frantic cries and rushed into the classroom to help her. Though she initially considered filling charges against Mark with their campus disciplinary office, she decided not to because she didn’t wan to make the incident public. Today, though they have both graduated from college, Anne is still distressed. “I don’t want to see Mark again, or be reminded of him because I always remember what he did to me. I am so bitter that he made me emotional cripple. I now have a hard time trusting others – what more get into a new relationship.”
The Stigma of the Abused
According to the Philippine Republic Act Number 9262, or “An Act Defining Violence Against Women and Their Children” (VAWC) includes girlfriend abuse in its definition of “Violence against Women,” which refers to “Any act or a series of acts committed by any person has or had a sexual or dating relationship, which result in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, psychological harm or suffering, or economic abuse, including threats of such acts, battery, assault, coercion, harassment or arbitrary deprivation of liberty.”
According to Amparita Sta.Maria, a lawyer and the director for the Women’s Desk of the Ateneo Human Rights center and a professor of Gender and the Law in the same school, even though the VACW is a recently implemented legal remedy, she concedes that cases are very much underreported. “Disempowerment of women is widespread,” she laments. “In a conservative patriarchal culture like ours, abuse in the context of a relationship is still deemed by many to be a private matter or a domestic issue. Those who are informed of the abuse, and even some authorities, may dissuade a woman from pushing through with her complaint. A victim may also choose to remain anonymous for fear that her abuser will get back at her.”
“There are several reasons why girlfriends who have been abused by their partners are reluctant to speak out,” theorizes Dr. John Sanchez, a psychiatrist who specializes in juvenile development. “Among them is the stigma attached to it although it may be true that the victim often has a dependent, needy type of personality, many girls understandably do not want to be branded as such because insensitive people might pre-judge them, saying na sinasaktan sila kasi pinapayagan nila and sarili nilang abusuhin (they are being abused because they are letting themselves to be abused). The blame is shifted to them when in the first place, violence should never be inflicted upon anybody, whatever her personality.” 
Did u learn something girls? Well if you do, then I think it’s time to change the abusive part. But it’s not trough yet, I still have part two of the story, read more and learn more, catch up for the next post.
You’re comments and suggestions are gratefully accepted.
By Blue Rose on Saturday, 29 of August , 2009 at 4:12 pm
Did you know about the table manners, speaking manners, and everything about proper manners in our life? Well if you know all those, I guess there’s one manner that you don’t know and I think you should know and learn.
It is also called the sexual etiquette, miss manners can tell you which fork to use at a garden party or explain the elaborate protocol of weddings. But who’s to explain the etiquette of sex? Pardon the presumption, but here’s a rough sketch of an ethic of sexual decency – guidelines to ensure that we treat our lovers with kindness, decency, playfulness, and pleasuring.
Remember the golden rule – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” works as well between the sheets as it does anywhere else.
Take the time to make yourself desirable – in longtime marriages, and even in longish relationships, lovers tend to let themselves go to seed without really sensing how unfair that it is to their partner. You notice when your partners comes to bed with face or legs covered with stubble, or without having showered, or with un-brushed teeth. Why shouldn’t your partner notice when you do the same? You may feel desire, but is you don’t take the trouble to make yourself desirable, is it really fair to ask for sex?
Ask for what you want – it’s not fair or right to present yourself to a lover and say, in effect, “Here’s my body – see if you can figure out what to do with it.” For one thing, if you don’t know how to ask for what you want, you’re virtually guaranteed not to get it. For another, by not helping your partner satisfy you, you’re setting him (or her) up for failure, touching off the tumble toward blame, anger and recrimination. If you have the strength and self-respect to ask, it will help your partner do the same.
Make sure that was a yes – you need to be sure that your partner has given full consent to sex. Sexual etiquette means nothing if it doesn’t honor this basic sexual right. And consent is not something that required only of college kids on a date. Its question of propriety tat applies to any sexual relationship, even a married one.
Take no for an answer – if your partner can tor wont give you what you want (oral sex, say), then it’s unfair to bully or browbeat them into giving it anyway. To pressure a lover by withholding love, threatening them or making the feel unworthy constitutes kind of sexual blackmail. A ‘no’ may not always last forever. It’s acceptable to ask again later, if you do so in kind, undemanding way.
Take responsibility – you need to take responsibility for your own sexual needs and desires accept them with reverence and gratitude – and let your partner know what they are.
Respect your partner’s nakedness – “Where else are we as vulnerable as we are during sex?” asks Jude Cotter, Ph.D., psychologist and sex therapist in private practice in Farmington Hills, Michigan. “We are naked, physically and spiritually, and there’s an obligation to be sensitive to that vulnerability.”
During extended foreplay, air taken up into the vagina will sometimes escape in little farts the French call “love butterflies.” A woman should feel comfortable letting fly a few butterflies in front of her lover, or saying or doing whatever else she wishes, without fear that such intimacies will be later violated. To violate the privacies that are shared during sex should be a crime. (It’s not just a spy who traffic in pillow talks).
Remember to say thank you – if you thank the bagboy at the grocery store for helping you load the car, shouldn’t you also always thank your lover for more important favors? (There are plenty of ways to say thank you, of course, and some of the nicest ones don’t require words.)
Keep some things secret – what people say during orgasm, more lyrically known as “birdsong at morning,” is private and should be kept secret. The Indians didn’t keep parrots or mynah birds in their bedrooms because of how readily the birds pick up and repeated such privacies – so don’t you do it, either.
