By Blue Rose on Wednesday, 3 of August , 2011 at 10:23 pm
On July 1 the government made it even more expensive and difficult for couples with one Dane and one non-EU partner to live together in Denmark.
Among other changes, the fee for the famously tough family reunification application was raised to 7,775 kroner – a 30 percent hike – while the compulsory four-year cash guarantee was raised from 63,000 to 100,000 kroner.
Information newspaper calculated that all told the cost of family reunification – once fees, tests, and cash securities are tallied – is now 168,131 kroner per couple, plus or minus a krone.
For young international couples, it is even tougher to stay together in Denmark, because current family reunification rules also stipulate that both partners must be at least 24 years old.
Katrine Villumsen and Jessie Villarreal are one young, international couple who have had to come up with creative solutions to be able to stay together.
Villumsen, a journalism student from the Funen town of Faaborg, was taking a year abroad to study in Santa Barbara, California, when she met Villarreal, a young opera singer from Riverside, California. They were both just 19.
They fell in love and after six months moved in together. In their second year together, they began thinking about a more permanent solution for their residency issues as an international couple. To complicate matters, marriage was not a solution for the lesbian couple, as US immigration laws do not recognise same-sex relationships.
“I think it would be easier for a Somalian to immigrate to the US than to Denmark, but in our case, it’s easier for me to immigrate to Denmark than for Katrine to immigrate to the US,” Villarreal told The Copenhagen Post.
So two years ago the couple decided they had a better future in Denmark, where their relationship is at least recognised by law, and where – someday when they are old enough – they can apply for family reunification as a couple.
“My desire to live in Denmark is greater than my desire to live in the US and I feel safer here. Danish people are more apathetic about being gay,” Villarreal said. “In the US people either love you or hate you for being gay.”
As both women were just 21 years old in 2009 – still too young to apply for family reunification – it was now Villarreal’s turn to use a student visa to stay with her partner.
With foreign student tuition and no eligibility for the national student stipend, the decision came at a high cost. Since both are still students, they don’t earn much. But together they managed to get by, working part-time, scrimping, saving and taking out loans.
But last month when Villarreal got a tuition bill of 100,000 kroner for her final year of studies at The Royal Academy of Music – with 50,000 kroner due in just two weeks and 50,000 more in September, they had no idea what to do.
Their life together depended upon her student visa. If she could not pay, she would have to leave the country. Without any expectation of success she decided to post a blog asking for loans or donations to raise the money.
“[It was] a desperate plea. I felt pathetic writing it. But the responses were amazing.” Villarreal said.
Some 14,000 kroner in donations from strangers and friends poured in. Villarreal’s colleagues at The Cockney Pub in Århus arranged two “Save Jessie’s Arse” concerts that raised another 4,000 kroner. Another colleague she barely knew offered her a no-questions-asked, interest-free loan of 20,000 kroner.
An even bigger loan of 50,000 kroner was offered by an international couple who knew first-hand the difficulties of getting family reunification in Denmark: Katrine’s Danish cousin and his Polish wife. They met as students in Norway and had to borrow money from his parents for their family reunification. Years later they were in the position to pass along the favour to a younger international pair struggling with immigration issues.
Villarreal and Villumsen both said they could not help but contrast the outpouring of generosity and trust from strangers and acquaintances eager to help with the tone of suspicion and distrust for immigrants in the political debate and family reunification rules.
“There must be somebody supporting all these immigration rules, but it’s not the people we’re surrounded by,” Villumsen said.
The governing Liberal Party’s immigration spokesperson Karsten Lauritzen defended the tougher immigration rules, including the higher costs and so-called ‘points system’ by which foreign partners earn ‘points’ to qualify to stay in Denmark through university degrees and other benchmarks.
“When we get better applicants, we also bring in people who are better prepared to become integrated,” Lauritzen told Politiken newspaper earlier this month.
Villumsen sees things a different way.
“In Denmark we have Jante Law, where everyone is supposed to be equal and nobody is better than anybody else,” she said. “But now it’s turning into the situation where if you have a better education, then you get to go first in line. We need people doing all types of work and it shouldn’t matter if you come from India, the US, or wherever.”
“I just think it’s a shame that you can’t be with the person you love in the country you come from, just because it comes down to nationality,” she added.
When Villarreal finishes her Bachelor’s degree next year she will lose her student visa and the couple’s immigration worries will start all over again. But by then, they both will be 24 years old and will have lived together in Denmark for three years. They plan to form a civil union in September.
Then they will be eligible to apply for family reunification – as long as they can put 100,000 kroner in the bank.
Source: ScandAsia.com
By Blue Rose on Monday, 14 of March , 2011 at 6:04 pm
It’s not only house, body or car you have to do a make-over. You will ask, Family makeover? What is that? Well it’s all about how to deal with your family, how can you control them and not you whose being controlled by them. Sounds complicated, yes it is, you must practice it now or else you will lose on the battle between them.
A. The most complicated of all is the Money matters. You are having problems in your family most of the time when it comes to money, agree? Well I experienced it before. Specially if your the bread winner, giving you so much head ache. End of the month, your head is going to explode when your looking at your paycheck and thinking of your family, oh gosh…
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Make a list of all the expenses, disegnate an amount for all of it, just enough no more, no less, no additional.
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If your working or living in the other country, make sure that you monitor all the necessary expenses in your house, it sounds like you don’t trust them or your paranoid, but it will pay off soon, tell them to scan all the reciept and bills and send it to you.
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They will ask you to send some amount for example additional school payment, medicine,or check up, make sure to have a strong question and interrogate them deeply, soon it will end up they will tell you what it is for, it is for unnecessary things.
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Relatives, auncle, aunties, cousins, they will contact you and ask if you can send them money, because of some reasons, these and that, you have to remember they are not your responsibilities, I can understand if its for your brother or sister, gifts once a year is enough, but everytime they will ask you for help and you will also send, nahhh..not acceptable.
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Your brother or sister will ask, send me some money because I will buy cellphone or it’s my birthday I will have a party, think so many times before you do it, look at your own cellphone, remember your birthday, look at your paycheck every month, then ask your self. Did I had a nice party on my birthday, did I bought new cellphone, will my salary can cover all this expenses? Then you will know the answer, sometimes they are just doing it for showing off that they have somebody working or living in the other country.
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Sometimes you get to know that they have very high bills and consume alot, what the heck?? Don’t be afraid to ask, why?how?what did you all do?Then be strong and be a stone, tell them ”I will not pay that, this month and next month, I will just send enough for food, you people have to learn and look for alternative how to pay that”, ” I am not just lying here and money is just coming, learn how to be thrifty in everything”.
B. When you have seen all those things, you have to evaluate now thier feelings or your feelings. It’s all about preparing thier feelings now. When you do all in letter A., surely they will feel hurt, but explain to them that you are not just picking up money on the street, you are not doing some extravagant living where ever you are, you are not rich to cover all of thier needs, if you can help you will do it, but not everytime.
When I was working before, my mother always call everyweek, many reasons that are not really important and true, I end up having nothing every end of the month, even my salary next month is gone, shibal!
So what I did one time,when my mom call, I jump up on the bus heading home and surprise them, that’s the time I found out that everything is a lie, and I am so fool believing it, bills and debts are everywhere, haven’t payed even if I send money for paying those…sh…….!!!
When I start to live in Norway, I talked to my parents that my father will be the one to recieve the money and do all the budgetting. Eversince that day my mom did not talked to me, I don’t care I said, it’s for our own good, and sooner she also realized it, it’s not my fault, then we get good relationship between us.
Before I send money, I will call my father, how much for the electric bill, water bill, internet bill, I already know how much is for my daughters nanny, and so I calculate everything. I end up sending enough money, already budgeted and designated, including food for monthly consuming and I extra amount for both my parents that is not big like 500php each. I will give you an example of how much I send every month. I send 2000nok every month, in pesos it 15,000.
electric bill – 1,500php
water bill – 500php
internet – 1000 php
nanny - 2500php
mom – 500php
dad - 500php
my daughter - 1,500php – milk,playing in SM,jollibee,things she like
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total - 8,000php
- 15,000php
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7,000php — remaining for thier food
I don’t send money for birthdays or things they like to buy that is just for thier own happiness. I send money to my relatives if it’s borrow and they will pay it, if it’s for free, sorry nothing is free in this world anymore, sounds drastic and bad, but you have to learn how to be like that or else you will end up nothing. I also manage to give my brothers some amount like 500php, not every month, only if I remember and it’s not for them, it’s for my nieces and nephew, I usually tell my father to buy food for the kids for thier snacks in school, I don’t give cash because it will just cause conflicts and I know it will not end up on food.
Eversince I intrusted the money to my father, everything goes very very well, bills are payed, no debts, they also get to save some small amounts in the bank. When I go home, I ask my father where are the bills and I evaluate them one by one, ask them if I had seen a faulty on this or that, ask them how much is this, how much is that? Why is this high? What happen? Then we will have a family conference, hehehe, yeah seriuosly I do that, I tell them what I feel and what is not important and what should they do. It works very well, we don’t have misunderstanding when it comes to money matters and family matters.
If you don’t have anybody that will manage the money, just do what I did, write the expenses and send just enough. They will end up learning how to manage how much they get and be responsible for it.
If you are working having 30,000php salary every month, you can save alot and put in a bank. I had known alot of people working here that end up nothing when the contract is finished, because they send everything at home, they don’t even think of thier own future or what will it be when the job is done. They will go back home, the people thier are hoping he/she has a lot of money, but they don’t also that nothing has left because they alwasy asking and asking. They will even ask you, What??why??What did you do??Maybe you did so many extravagant things there?? They will start to accuse you not knowing or evaluating what they had done too. bu*******t!!!
Then you will feel the pressure again, pressured when you are still working because left and right you hear ”we need money,I need money”, then you get home hoping you will feel happy that at last I get to see my family, but again pressured. Poor you.
Be strong, learn how to be harsh and stone sometimes, we are so soft when it comes to our family, but remember you also have your own life, and if they will not learn they will still be like that even when you already have your own family and that will cause a big problem between you and your husband or wife, it’s not a theory, that’s the truth, most have that kind of problem.
I hate dependent people, we grew up like that but we must stand on our own feet or else we will be like that forever.
Don’t hate me,we have different opinions yes I know, but what I just want to say is ‘‘OPEN YOUR EYES”.
By Blue Rose on Tuesday, 24 of November , 2009 at 7:22 am
This is a comment story that I had recieved from a reader, I’m not overating Filipinas but, true or lies, believe it or not, it’s part of life and not only Filipinas do it.
“Relationships with Filipina helpers are more common than realized. When I lived in Hong Kong, we had a 27 year old lovely girl living with us. Although I was always a gentleman, I caught myself enjoying seeing her in the house because she was very attractive.
Shortly after my family left for home leave for the summer, I realize she was looking at my pornography in my bedroom. We were always friendly and I teased her that she could have permission to borrow it when she wanted. Once that barrier was crossed the inevitable happened. She admitted being so horny and would just be happy to have a physical relationship with me. Within two days she was in my bed having incredible success … filipinas have to bet the best lovers in the world.
She was very discrete about our relationship and never exposed me to anyone. She pointed out four other homes on our street where the helper was sleeping with the boss. I think having sexually frustrated young single women in a home with a married man is just asking for the inevitable. The wives have no idea of the temptations that develop as these women have very little other options for sex.
This went on for a year despite my repeated attempts to bring it to a halt. I felt guilty being her boss and about the deception around my family and of course she started developing feelings even though she promised she would not. Fear of pregnancy was constant as she constantly begged for sex without a condom … I would never relent. The lure of the amazing sex would always draw me back. Finally she make some off hand comments that made my wife suspicious … I was confronted and confess. Needless to say turmoil erupted as she was kicked out of the house and it took her a year to get her life righted as I also had to work on my marriage. I always felt guilty that she suffered from this as she was a friend and lover. Our replacement helper was 53 years old and as nearly as wide as she was tall. 
And now my mind is permanently wired to be attracted to filipina women!”
Men and women tend to be attracted and tempted to do such things especially if they very far from the family and partners in life, they may not admit it, of course, but it’s still there and still happening. They are just longing for some attention and love.
Many foreign men wanting to have Filipina wifes, why? Because Filipinas are sweet, caring, loving, family oriented, and hardworker, if you respect and give them love, they will give you back more.
By Blue Rose on Thursday, 19 of November , 2009 at 8:57 am
Have you ever felt that there is something missing in your relationship?
You have family that loves you, you have work that provides everything you need to survive, you have friends that can be there for you when you need them, except if they are busy, you have boyfriend girlfriend or husband/wife that adores you, if they adores you.
If they adores you? What does it mean? Yah, you have boyfriend/husband, girlfriend/wife but do you feel that they love you or even have just a little feelings for you not just the word ‘I Like You’.
Yah, you are being praised when you did something really good that he/she likes, but what do you feel when you are being compared to somebody else that has been in his/her life?
Does it feel like a sharp dagger that struck into your chest?
You are happy being with him/her and can be with him/her for the rest of your life, but does he/she feel the same?
You accept him/her as what he/she is, everything that connects in his/her life, but do you feel that you are still being ignored, set aside?
There is a line that maybe adapted in this situation, ‘I was never your partner, I’m just your wife/husband’. Does it applies in your life?
Have you figured out what is missing?
Respect. Acceptance. Love. Feelings.
By Blue Rose on Thursday, 27 of August , 2009 at 3:34 pm
It’s not the situation that causes stress, but the person’s perception of the situation. Listen, there’s not one universal stressor. A traumatizing experience for you may be taken as a challenge by the person next to you. Faith in God in your own strengths and in other people’s goodness is crucial. But here are three more essential factors that will help you discover how well you can survive your new, less golden life.
1. Foundation while growing up – ask you’re self: “What kind of upbringing did I have? Did my parents impart good values? Did they teach me how to be strong in times of trial? And to always have a positive outlook in life?”
How you were brought up is a big factor in determining how capable you are of handling problems that come your way. If you were a spoiled rotten as kid who learned no values whatsoever, dealing with your penniless state will be very difficult. However, if you were brought up with a balanced set of values, then it’s up to you to put everything you’ve learned from your folks into practice.
Andrew’s mom was capricious, overly indulgent, and knew nothing about child discipline. When she died, Andrew expected his relatives to cater to his whims and serve him, just as his mother did. His foundation of values was almost non-existent, which made his new poverty unbearable both for Andrew and the people around him.
2. Support system in place – ask you’re self: “How will my new financial status affect my relationships and my social life? Will my rich friends still be there for me? Or will I have to replace them with a new set of friends? Will my boyfriend stay with me even if I have no more money? Will my relatives treat me the way they did when I was rich?”
Family and friends who can and will support you in this time of need are essential. Some people who found themselves in dire situations were able to start a new because of another person’s pr presence and assistance. This is also the best time to discover who your true friends are. Your changed status may break old bonds, but there will always be other, more durable relationships to take their place.
Stephanie’s relatives stopped coming to their place after her family’s financial downfall. They could no longer host lavish get-togethers. She can only able to share her story to her true friends.
3. Your own personality – ask you’re self: “Am I tough or sensitive? An optimist or a pessimist? Self-reliant or dependent? Proud or humble?”
Research proves that it takes six months after a new situation transpires to determine how a person will deal with changes in his life. It was discovered that optimists who became paraplegics eventually regained their positive outlook in life. Before, they were “happy people.” Today, they are “happy people in wheelchairs.” Pessimists who won the lottery were “poor money-pinching worriers” before. Now, they are “rich money-pinching worriers.”
Your outlook in life is based on how you interpret the world before the changes occurred. If you’ve got a positive view in life, then you’re all good! If not, it’s time to change your attitude. If you choose to change your negative behavior, people will response can alter your negative thoughts, and eventually bring about new positive situations.
By Loving Asya on Tuesday, 28 of July , 2009 at 12:55 am
Here, across the room, I sprawl stiffly on some chair in front of him. Wondering if he has the slightest idea of my leaving.
Three months before I pack my bags, getting ready to be away from home, away from the one I used to waking up each morning, away from him, finally. A part of me is quite excited at the turning yet for the most part, cringing from sadness.
Slumped on the couch, eyes squeezed shut, his thin lips (like mine) protruding and the familiar constant involuntary movement of his fingers on both hands and feet as he tried to lull himself to sleep- I will never forget. Though it would seem as if he’s scrambling to yank tragic thoughts off his mind. He looks, as always, tired. And sad as ever.
It’s hard to see him this way. even harder when eventually I would have to let him know. Like how difficult it would be, as helpless as you are, to release someone from your grip after years of almost solely dwelling on the fact that the person will always be there. Especially if it has some rapport to your system. akin to your nature and whole being. Especially if it was your daughter. The one person who gives a glimmer of hope and somehow, light, for your existence. Or so I strongly thought.
His eyes are wildly open now, agitated by the noise of street children still singing caroling songs even if it is no longer Christmas. His eyes flicker on and off at its first opening, dazed by the light. He finally stands and sprinted toward the door, my prying eyes still following, so gracefully… and easily. I wished fervently it’s that easy, too.
