By Blue Rose on Monday, 31 of August , 2009 at 2:00 pm
Enough is enough
Insecurity is the one thing in common between the abuser and the abused. Abuse in an intimate relationship is an assertion of dominance by someone, who believes in the necessity of using violence, by whatever means, to censure, punish or discipline… it is a type of power tripping exerted by the male to establish superiority over the female. Eventually, the girl will come to believe that it’s her fault that’s he is being beaten.
There was a student who was also a model and her boyfriend was very jealous. “He slashed her thighs with a box-cutter so she would stop wearing miniskirts, which her boyfriend disapproved of because other guys were looking at her legs.” The girl wanted to kill herself when she confessed to her best friend, the girl broke down and admitted that it wasn’t the first time her boyfriend hurt her. “He had even set her hair on fire with lighter fluid while accusing her of being a “slut” and “prostitute” because he saw some pictures of her in Boracay with several guys he didn’t recognize.” Yet, for over a year, she put up with hid dehumanizing treatment because he threatened her with greater harm if she left him. It took the slashing incident for her to finally say, “enough is enough” and call it quits.
A new study confirms that females who have been battered are more likely to suffer from chronic depression, catch stress related illnesses, attempt suicide, and be subjected to forced sexual relations than those who were only verbally abused or emotionally neglected by their parents. Usually while the girl is being bashed and kicked, there is an accompanying barrage of cursing and disparaging criticism guys who hurt their girlfriends are often described as manipulative, jealous and domineering, which s psychologically damaging.
Danger zone
Though there are a lot of factors that may cause someone to be abusive (or be the abused), such as a history of family abuse, the influence of friends, the wrong values promoted by mass media, and living in a “macho” (and sometimes chauvinistic) society, these usually don’t completely explain it. Likewise, there is no sure way of telling whether your beloved boyfriend is a possible abuser and when he will strike, although there are danger signs that should put you on your guard.
Estella, 16, didn’t wait around for it to happen. “During a heated argument, my then-boyfriend shouted curses at me, then picked up a chair and smashed it against the wall. I got terrified. That same night, I decided to break up with him for good.” If you feel that he might (physically) hurt you, leave the relationship at once. You should learn how to trust your instinct (the little voice in your head, telling that “No, this isn’t right anymore”) or else you will find yourself like Estella.
Some young decent man says, “We don’t need to hit our girlfriends to make them behave, because just harsh, intimidation and bad words are enough,” hah! Is that so? Some of the girlfriends also say, “The infliction of pain on them, as long as it’s not overly physical is seen as a sign or proof that their boyfriends love them.”
I am shocked that some girls regard it as normal, albeit unpleasant, fact of life. The Coalition Against trafficking in Women-Asia-Pacific (CATW-AP), teaches the adolescent boys that females are not to be treated as commodities, but as human beings who are their co-equals. Meanwhile the girls must be encouraged to develop, at an early age, strong self-esteem that is based on their capabilities and character, rather than relying on what others – especially males – think about how they should behave. Girls, don’t be so stupid and naïve when it comes to love, think of it for so many times, when you think your boy has the capabilities of doing the abusive things, “better be off; than be knocked off”…OK!
By Blue Rose on Monday, 31 of August , 2009 at 12:00 pm
For most couples, alcohol is either the ultimate confidence booster, guaranteed to liven up the action between the sheets, or the death knell of a promising encounter, leaving one or both of you too stewed for love. But the real interaction between alcohol and sex is more nuanced, says SUNY at Potsdam sociologist David Hanson, Ph. D., the author of Preventing Alcohol Abuse. For instance, some of alcohol’s apparent aphrodisiac effects may be there because we want them to be. “Alcohol does have a real physical impact, but there’s also a big aspect of expectancy,” Hanson says. “What we think is going to happen while we’re under the influence is likely to happen.”
Researchers say people assign too much blame to alcohol for the way their sex lives play out. They also give it too much credit. We’ve cleared away the misconceptions about alcohol and sex to help ensure that this vaunted social lubricant will enhance your love life—not destroy it.
Read more: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/women_sex_and_alcohol/index.php#ixzz0PjwTnGUc
By Blue Rose on Monday, 31 of August , 2009 at 10:00 am
It’s hard to make big changes in life. The energy and time commitment is often too great. That’s why so many Americans still struggle with their health. The problem doesn’t know what to do; it’s doing it. So why not take the opposite approach? Forget about such grand, amorphous goals as losing weight or getting in shape. Instead, aim to drink the leftover milk in your cereal bowl each morning to get more vitamins, or hold your fork in your non-dominant hand to slow your eating, or “forget” your glasses the next time you’re at the gym so you won’t get distracted. Little tips like these can make a big difference over time.
Click this link to read more:
Read more: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/how_to_live_better/index.php#ixzz0PjvSsENX
By Blue Rose on Monday, 31 of August , 2009 at 8:06 am
We wish every woman treated sex as if it were a Jason Statham movie — nonstop action, lots of screams, 20 explosions per minute. If you feel the same way, maybe it’s time you traded in your silent partner for someone a bit more adventurous. Someone who knows enough sex tricks to write her own HBO series. Follow our advice and you won’t have to look far. She’s sleeping next to you. Yeah, that’s right, the very same woman in the long flannel nightgown, who nodded off during The Office at 8:30. Well, it’s time for a wake-up call.
PROBLEM: She initiates sex about as often as Libya initiates peace – While one survey showed that nearly two-thirds of women say they initiate sex at least sometimes, the bad news is that she counts occasional hair-flipping as initiation. At least once every few weeks, it’d be nice to have our shirts torn apart by someone other than the dry cleaner.
SOLUTION: Buy her new shoes – It works two ways. One, you’re playing into her idea of foreplay: Doing something terribly nice and out of the ordinary makes her want you more. And, even more important, it gives you the chance to work all of those sensitive nerve endings in her feet. When you check her for fit, linger around the tips of her toes. Don’t be surprised if she kicks off her shoes as soon as you get home.
PROBLEM: She hides her body under sheets, pillows, and you – You’ve spent your life imagining your body next to airbrushed babes from beer commercials. She’s spent the same time comparing herself with them. If she doesn’t like to reveal flesh, it’s probably because she’s not comfortable showing it off to you.
SOLUTION: Stop telling her how much you love her legs – Women is weird this way. “If you say something nice about her breast, she’ll just wonder why you don’t like her butt,” says Pamela Regan, Ph.D., a psychologist at California State University in Los Angeles. Go for general compliments. Tell her, “Your body is incredible.”
PROBLEM: Your bedroom sounds like high-school detention — silence, with maybe a few giggles – Men love it when women moan, scream, and pant. It makes it sound — to the flight attendants, anyway — as if we know what we’re doing.
SOLUTION: Create chaos – If she’s quiet, it’s probably because she’s afraid of waking the guards. So create background noise to make her feel relaxed — run the dishwasher, have sex in the shower, drop a CD. You can even sing a little: When you’re giving her oral sex hum along. The low vibrations from your vocal cords will feel incredible to her. Press firmly with your lips; that are where you’ll generate the most vibration.
PROBLEM: She’s squeamish about giving you oral sex – Maybe she’s shy, maybe she doesn’t know what you like, maybe she equates oral sex with an unpleasant circus trick.
SOLUTION: Turn her hands into a bumper – Lou Paget, author of How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, gives seminars on proper oral-sex technique. So she’s a hero in our book, especially after she shared this tip for mouth-to-south resuscitation. When your partner starts giving you oral sex, take her hands off your thighs and hold them with yours (she’ll like that). Then guide her hands to your penis so they form a tube around it. As her mouth goes up and down, rotate her hands clockwise and counterclockwise. The bonus for you: Different tactile sensations make it feel even better than straight oral sex. The bonus for her: smooth sailing will boost her confidence. Her hands will act as a comfortable bumper between the 3 inches of her mouth and the 5 inches (or more) of your penis.
PROBLEM: She won’t lay a hand on you – There’s no reason why foreplay has to be limited to kissing, unhooking straps, and kicking the dog out of the room.
SOLUTION: Tell her your neck hurts – Sex without fondling is more of a drag race than a pleasure trip: No warm-up and you’ll be lucky if it lasts 3.2 seconds. Your goal is to have her take a few laps around your body, with several important pit stops. Start by complaining of a stiff neck. After she helps out, offer to do hers. Switch body parts back and forth. When she starts reaching your lower half, take her hands and have her position one hand vertically, the other horizontally — palm to palm. She’ll then lower these palms of pleasure over your penis. When she strokes you, your penis will slide up between her fingers. Use a little Astroglide and she’ll have you bleating out of her hand.
PROBLEM: Her orgasms roughly coincide with congressional elections – Her orgasms don’t just make her feel good; they’re an undeniable marker of your success as a sex machine. The fewer she has, the wimpier you feel.
SOLUTION: Distract her – The top cause of orgasmic difficulty in women is that they’re thinking about it too much, says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., a sex therapist. If you can keep her mind on other things, you increase the chances that her quakes will be picked up by the geology department at the local university. Try “69,” kiss her passionately while having intercourse, encourage her to tell you about her fantasies as she gets more and more aroused — anything to keep her from focusing on why she’s not having an orgasm. If that fails, tell her about this position: While she’s on top, she should push her left leg forward so it slides slightly toward your head (her knees stay bent) and gently slide her right leg toward your feet. Every few thrusts, she should alternate positions. The pelvic pressure this position creates — and the rotation around your penis — is pretty damn orgasmic. If she asks where you heard about it, do what we do: Say you read it in a magazine.
PROBLEM: She won’t experiment – For many women, it boils down to this: She thinks that if she tries fancy techniques, you’ll think she’s a slut.
SOLUTION: Give her a squeaky-clean source of dirty ideas (and cheesecake recipes) – Buy her a subscription to Redbook — surprisingly, by our count, an average issue has more information about sex technique than other women’s magazines. Do whatever you want to get it in your house: Tell her you found it on the train, or in the men’s-room stall. It won’t be long before she’s searching for “35 New Places to Touch a Man.”
Source: Menshealth
By Blue Rose on Sunday, 30 of August , 2009 at 12:00 pm
The consequences of having sex when you’re in your teens don’t seem to be real. Statistics after statistics have shown us that while the number of teens having experience with sex is not declining, knowledge on STDs and birth control methods (whether natural or artificial) is not on the rise. Proof of this is the fact that one-third of women between the ages of 20 to 24 years old gave birth to their first child before turning 21, and that “of the estimated 1.7 million babies being born every year, around 30 percent comes from young women,” cites Philippine Obstetrical and Gynecological Society (POGS) in a press conference.
College student Lily, who admits to being sexually active, also ‘fesses up that she and her boyfriend don’t us any kind of protection. “I don’t want to take pills and my boyfriend isn’t too keen on using a condom,” she says. “Sometimes we abstain, but when we do it, I just really hope that I don’t get pregnant. I don’t worry about the other bad stuff because my boyfriend is faithful to me and we’re young. So far we’ve been lucky.”
Relying on luck though when it comes to life-altering choices is never ever that reliable. But the problem is most teens don’t think that those choices they’re making about sex now can alter their lives to begin with. According to many studies on adolescent psychiatry, most teens fail to see how their actions now will affect their future. Have sex now, worry later. Others, without knowledge on what they’re getting into, don’t even know what to worry about.
The risk of early premarital sex
Although unwanted pregnancies and STDs are the more immediate consequences teens might face due to early sexual activity, what’s happening to their body should also be of concern. As adolescents are still in a stage of development, so are their reproductive organs. Because when you engage in early sexual activity, you’re exposing the immature cells (in your developing reproductive organs) to external environmental factors – like the coitus (or intercourse). The cervix is not yet ready to take on the kind of activity. So what happens is through the years the cells grow into dysplastic or abnormal cells. Those developing abnormal cells put one at high risk in developing cervical cancer. Another risk factor is promiscuity, the more partners you have, that’s also a problem. The good thing is cervical cancer doesn’t happen overnight; however, this just makes the risk not all that immediate, hence not a reality for many sexually active teens. But the risk is so real; more than half of women who developed cervical cancer later in life became sexually active at an early age.
How do you stop yourself from being at risk?
- The most sensible (and obvious) way is to wait it out. Postpone having sex until you’re emotionally and biologically ready for the responsibilities and consequences sex entails.
- If you’re already sexually active, be monogamous. Having different sexual partners increases your chances of acquiring different STDs and developing a reproductive tract cancer (the most common of which is cancer of the cervix).
- Be aware of your body. If you’re not sexually active or if you’re monogamous, if you get infection in the cervix – characterized by a lot of vaginal discharge, which can be abnormal in color or with an abnormal smell – consult your family physician or gynecologist. Don’t let such infections go untreated because they can develop more abnormalities in your cervix.
- As soon as you start having sex or at the age of 25, you should get an annual pap smear screening.
By Blue Rose on Sunday, 30 of August , 2009 at 9:00 am
Pop star Michael Jackson’s death was ruled a homicide from drug overdose on Friday, fueling speculation his personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, may soon be charged with manslaughter or another crime.
The Los Angeles County Coroner said in its ruling that the powerful anesthetic propofol, which is used in surgery and has been dubbed “milk of amnesia” by some doctors, as well as the sedative lorazepam were the primary drugs responsible for Jackson’s sudden death on June 25 at the age of 50. Other drugs found in the singer’s body were midazolam, diazepam, lidocaine and ephedrine.
Los Angeles police said they will refer the case to prosecutors for possible criminal charges when they have completed a probe into Jackson’s death. In previous court filings, police have said Murray, who was with the singer the day he died, was being investigated for manslaughter. Murray, a heart specialist with offices in Houston and Las Vegas, was hired to care for the singer while he prepared for the concerts, and he was at Jackson’s bedside the day he died.
The doctor previously has admitted to police that he administered propofol, which has a milky appearance and is used to sedate patients, to help Jackson sleep.
Police have looked into the activities of other Jackson doctors including his dermatologist. On Friday the California Attorney General’s office said it will begin an independent investigation of several physicians whose names have come up in the Los Angeles police probe. Murray’s attorney cautioned that the probe is not complete, nor are all the details of Jackson’s death known.
“We will not be responding until we get a full autopsy report, including the entire list of drugs found in Mr. Jackson, their quantities, and all other data that would allow independent medical experts to analyze and interpret,” attorney Ed Chernoff said in a statement.
The coroner said the complete toxicology report remained sealed at the request of Los Angeles police and prosecutors. The list of drugs in Jackson’s system provided by the coroner on Friday reads like a cocktail of sedatives, painkillers and one stimulant. Midazolam, which is similar to propofol, is used to make patients drowsy during procedures such as colonoscopies.
Diazepam, the generic version of Valium, is used to calm anxiety, while lidocaine is a painkiller and ephedrine is a stimulant. Defense attorney Steve Cron, a professor at Pepperdine University School of Law, said Murray could face up to four years in prison if convicted of involuntary manslaughter.
Forensics expert Dr. Lawrence Kobilinsky, who chairs the Department of Science at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, said prosecutors, would look at the amount of propofol and other drugs in Jackson’s system, whether errors were made in administering drugs in combination, and whether Murray gave proper dosages or a lethal dosage.
Jim Cohen, a professor of law at Fordham University, said Murray could put up a vigorous defense. “It’s not an open and shut case,” he said. “Everyone says can only be administered in a hospital setting. I’m sure they’ll find some expert who says that’s preferred, but preferred doesn’t mean it’s required.”
By Blue Rose on Sunday, 30 of August , 2009 at 6:05 am
Love is often associated wit broken hearts. But the darker side also reveals cuts, bruises and broken lives. These are real stories of abusive boyfriends and how Filipina woman were able to break away from the violence.
It started with hard hand squeezes, with is nails digging into her skin. Anne, 21, says that her ex-boyfriend, Mark, did that whenever she said something he didn’t like, even if she did it in a very nice way. Soon, Anne’s fingers and palms were full of small, but painful wounds and bruises. She’d cover up her boyfriend’s abuse by saying that the scratches were made by her pet cat. However, not all were convinced by her act. “We had a feeling that something was wrong when Anne became sullen and withdrawn,” relates Michelle, one of Anne’s friends. “She didn’t hang out with our friends like before. Medyo nagagalit nga kami dati kasi pakiramdam namin e kinukontrol siya ni Mark; he was over possessive.” (We were a bit angry before because we felt that Mark was controlling her; he was over-possessive.) However, no one in their group asked Anne whether Mark was abusing her. “We don’t like to get in their lives, because they may think nakiki-extra kami,” Discloses Michelle, though she quickly adds that she now wished she did.
The abuse became more severe when Anne, upon finding out that Mark cheated on her, confronted him. Mark suddenly grabbed her by the throat and started choking her. “I thought I was going to die, I couldn’t breathe,” recalls Anne, tearfully. It was obvious from her demeanor during the interview that she hadn’t fully recovered from the trauma, which happened nearly two years ago. Mark only released her when another student heard her frantic cries and rushed into the classroom to help her. Though she initially considered filling charges against Mark with their campus disciplinary office, she decided not to because she didn’t wan to make the incident public. Today, though they have both graduated from college, Anne is still distressed. “I don’t want to see Mark again, or be reminded of him because I always remember what he did to me. I am so bitter that he made me emotional cripple. I now have a hard time trusting others – what more get into a new relationship.”
The Stigma of the Abused
According to the Philippine Republic Act Number 9262, or “An Act Defining Violence Against Women and Their Children” (VAWC) includes girlfriend abuse in its definition of “Violence against Women,” which refers to “Any act or a series of acts committed by any person has or had a sexual or dating relationship, which result in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, psychological harm or suffering, or economic abuse, including threats of such acts, battery, assault, coercion, harassment or arbitrary deprivation of liberty.”
According to Amparita Sta.Maria, a lawyer and the director for the Women’s Desk of the Ateneo Human Rights center and a professor of Gender and the Law in the same school, even though the VACW is a recently implemented legal remedy, she concedes that cases are very much underreported. “Disempowerment of women is widespread,” she laments. “In a conservative patriarchal culture like ours, abuse in the context of a relationship is still deemed by many to be a private matter or a domestic issue. Those who are informed of the abuse, and even some authorities, may dissuade a woman from pushing through with her complaint. A victim may also choose to remain anonymous for fear that her abuser will get back at her.”
“There are several reasons why girlfriends who have been abused by their partners are reluctant to speak out,” theorizes Dr. John Sanchez, a psychiatrist who specializes in juvenile development. “Among them is the stigma attached to it although it may be true that the victim often has a dependent, needy type of personality, many girls understandably do not want to be branded as such because insensitive people might pre-judge them, saying na sinasaktan sila kasi pinapayagan nila and sarili nilang abusuhin (they are being abused because they are letting themselves to be abused). The blame is shifted to them when in the first place, violence should never be inflicted upon anybody, whatever her personality.” 
Did u learn something girls? Well if you do, then I think it’s time to change the abusive part. But it’s not trough yet, I still have part two of the story, read more and learn more, catch up for the next post.
You’re comments and suggestions are gratefully accepted.
By Blue Rose on Saturday, 29 of August , 2009 at 4:12 pm
Did you know about the table manners, speaking manners, and everything about proper manners in our life? Well if you know all those, I guess there’s one manner that you don’t know and I think you should know and learn.
It is also called the sexual etiquette, miss manners can tell you which fork to use at a garden party or explain the elaborate protocol of weddings. But who’s to explain the etiquette of sex? Pardon the presumption, but here’s a rough sketch of an ethic of sexual decency – guidelines to ensure that we treat our lovers with kindness, decency, playfulness, and pleasuring.
Remember the golden rule – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” works as well between the sheets as it does anywhere else.
Take the time to make yourself desirable – in longtime marriages, and even in longish relationships, lovers tend to let themselves go to seed without really sensing how unfair that it is to their partner. You notice when your partners comes to bed with face or legs covered with stubble, or without having showered, or with un-brushed teeth. Why shouldn’t your partner notice when you do the same? You may feel desire, but is you don’t take the trouble to make yourself desirable, is it really fair to ask for sex?
Ask for what you want – it’s not fair or right to present yourself to a lover and say, in effect, “Here’s my body – see if you can figure out what to do with it.” For one thing, if you don’t know how to ask for what you want, you’re virtually guaranteed not to get it. For another, by not helping your partner satisfy you, you’re setting him (or her) up for failure, touching off the tumble toward blame, anger and recrimination. If you have the strength and self-respect to ask, it will help your partner do the same.
Make sure that was a yes – you need to be sure that your partner has given full consent to sex. Sexual etiquette means nothing if it doesn’t honor this basic sexual right. And consent is not something that required only of college kids on a date. Its question of propriety tat applies to any sexual relationship, even a married one.
Take no for an answer – if your partner can tor wont give you what you want (oral sex, say), then it’s unfair to bully or browbeat them into giving it anyway. To pressure a lover by withholding love, threatening them or making the feel unworthy constitutes kind of sexual blackmail. A ‘no’ may not always last forever. It’s acceptable to ask again later, if you do so in kind, undemanding way.
Take responsibility – you need to take responsibility for your own sexual needs and desires accept them with reverence and gratitude – and let your partner know what they are.
Respect your partner’s nakedness – “Where else are we as vulnerable as we are during sex?” asks Jude Cotter, Ph.D., psychologist and sex therapist in private practice in Farmington Hills, Michigan. “We are naked, physically and spiritually, and there’s an obligation to be sensitive to that vulnerability.”
During extended foreplay, air taken up into the vagina will sometimes escape in little farts the French call “love butterflies.” A woman should feel comfortable letting fly a few butterflies in front of her lover, or saying or doing whatever else she wishes, without fear that such intimacies will be later violated. To violate the privacies that are shared during sex should be a crime. (It’s not just a spy who traffic in pillow talks).
Remember to say thank you – if you thank the bagboy at the grocery store for helping you load the car, shouldn’t you also always thank your lover for more important favors? (There are plenty of ways to say thank you, of course, and some of the nicest ones don’t require words.)
Keep some things secret – what people say during orgasm, more lyrically known as “birdsong at morning,” is private and should be kept secret. The Indians didn’t keep parrots or mynah birds in their bedrooms because of how readily the birds pick up and repeated such privacies – so don’t you do it, either.
